switched off for a moment ..

How I even began to describe today ……… long, emotional, draining, tearful, zombified … and after all that so called excitement I am all wired and it’s close to midnight. I hope I do stay up all night .. But by the looks of it I am and all I had was sweet sour spicy fish hmmmmm… could hormones could be a lot of things but I am too tired to speculate hah ..

Cooking and cleaning are what chocolates are to every other woman. I seem to go into zombie mode when I cook and clean especially when I have things on my mind. And that was what I was today – I made two dishes today one is my favorite and I do believe ‘C” likes it too .. corn muffins .. I wonder if he would like mine anyways .. I made about 48 muffins and it was much nicer this time round and I think I figured out what it was – I really creamed the butter and sugar well and got a thicker mixture than usual – ahh yes the world of cooking all about trial and error .. anyways.. ill share the recipe in a later blog. This isn’t my first attempt at corn muffins – I think I enjoy making corn muffins more than any other muffins – maybe I am just corny who knows ..

After an hour or so of baking and cleaning up all the baking things I decided to make spicy sweet sour fish for dinner. I made this when I was in Johore and everyone liked it *blushes* I passed in this department. The process was a little more tedious but I couldn’t care I just kept on cooking and cleaning and made sure everything is in place after all the cooking. You sometimes I see how meticulous at how my pots and pans should be or where things should be and how neat they should be I think I have some sort of OCD then again don’t we all or maybe I am just a neat freak .. Lets face it , its more pleasing to the eye .. yes ?

I think I have kept so many things in today was just a let go kind of day I don’t know. I was so afraid of losing someone it just got a little crazy. Call it fear call it paranoia – I sometimes just don’t know what it is. Anyways I am trying to respond ‘C”s very long email and I have only done in parts whatever came to mind – it really affected me .. I just don’t know how to take the email .. a part of felt bad for him because he isn’t himself over there and of course his school issue, then another part made me sad because he feels I am just not me I don’t know … maybe I think a trip to the beach will help me finish replying – hmm maybe that’s what I will do tomorrow go to the beach (keeps fingers cross it doesn’t rain)… hmm why are matters of the heart so complicated? Tsk tsk tsk .. but I shall not complain he is worth it …

So with trying to block things out and trying to make sense of it all I caught this weeks Saturday movie on Channel 5 its called Venomous it was ok seeing there was nothing much on television I have to admit rattle snakes carrying a deadly diseases and not just from its venom developed by the military and the government trying to annihilate a small town in California is way better than mutant killer scorpions on an airplane which was low budget and obviously stupid .. Venomous obviously made more sense and had more notable actors but anyway ..

I think its time for me to trim my eye brows – I am thinking of doing an eye brow make over the before and after hah I dare .. I like how it feels right now bushy and smooth – its not like it looks bad or anything unless I have someone standing face to face in front of me though in this instance there is only person who I want to be standing in front of face to face with *grin*. Like everything else I like to keep my eyebrows trimmed and tidy – call it vanity call it whatever, but trimmed well shaped eyebrows enhances the eyes – it doesn’t make it look tired and I know for a fact it brightens up the face – aren’t the eyes the window to your soul? now if I my eyes looked tired what would people think of my soul hahah ok im so getting goofy ..

And so it’s a mood swing moment for me up and down , down and up and it isn’t even that time of month nor is it the full moon though it is getting there – you know they said there will be two full moons this month explains why some of us are always erratic hahah I am of course speaking for myself.

And so as cooking & cleaning takes into my own little world where its safe I shall take my leave and retreat to my little world in my mind where its safer … and hopefully get some well needed rest ..

Blog ya later world .. nite nite ..