weekend @ grandma's pt 2

Sundays weekend started with my niece Safa tickling my hand while I was sleeping and whispering my name lol .. I looked at her half asleep and saw that smile I was woken up. She is incredible adorable, loving and she is “C”’s sweetheart just how lucky is that ;))… She asked why I was still sleeping I said I was sick she said ok ati fah (that’s what she calls me) you rest ok ill tell everyone not to wake you up .. just how sweet is she . We had our I love you’s and she let me have my zzzzzzz’s. ..

The day was quiet me I slept quiet a bit seeing I was still recovering from the cold and cough. It got better by the afternoon and I could hang out with my nephew and niece. Today was extra special, my nephew and I exchanged a few words (don’t laugh) or raise an eyebrow.. Its called baby talk and because im his aunt and because I could use his baby pictures against as well as video of his facial expression when he was pooping I think he knew then to start way early in talking to his aunt *grin*.. he was freshly showered and smelled sooo good you know that baby smell .. Dressed in his cute little jumper. I was watching him while his mom did some stuff so we started talking I cooed him and he responded and it went on from there. Goo gaaa ekk ekk goo and a few other gibberish words - whatever they meant to me it spelt love ;)) .. He sounded so cute looked even cuter – I felt it was a special moment with him our first talk hahaha.. He was crying all day so having that little moment with him was something else. Personally for me as an aunt these are the little moments you cant get back and you will always cherish them for a long time.

Last Sunday which was the 11^th of Ramadan proved another fulfilling one with special moments, lessons. What I learnt just re affirmed some of the things I believe in while others a new lesson and moments that makes me all warm and fuzzy.

Sometime in the afternoon my aunt and I went out for a bit to get some things from the pharmacy, check out a food bazaar then off to get some food for the break of fast. My auntie Noor who is my uncle’s wife is a pretty cool aunt to hang out with. In spite of being religious she is still modern and out going. In the years my uncle have been married to her I have learnt much from her and she has taken care of my grandma really well too. She has given much of herself to care for my grandmother and until July of her son Omar who passed away in July. For thirteen years it has been him and my grandma now it seems she has so much emptiness though she doesn’t show it, it’s pretty visible. Since Omar passed away I never really asked her how she was feeling how she was coping – I don’t know why I guess maybe I didn’t want to bring up anything its probably silly but maybe I was just letting her grief in peace. Just before going up to grandma’s I had a dream about him. In my dream he was laughing, smiling, he was really really happy. I didn’t tell anyone afraid of how they might react I meant the wound is till fresh and all that but something in me felt I had to tell her – let her know that he is doing in a better place and he is so happy. I got my chance that afternoon while we were out. We started talking about my grandmother, she was saying how my grandma’s situation is deteriorating and was trying to recall when my grandma was last hospitalized – I don’t how it happened but it just came out - I just asked how are you coping ati noor? (that’s what I call her) .. I felt a lump in throat and while driving she said how much she still misses him, that part of her is missing. An uncle of mine who lost his son in 91’ was telling her its new but the void never gets filled and its been 16 years for him. She said what she really missed was my cousins’ touch, his hugs- how she gets them everyday from him. Him playing with her hair all the time – he likes that for him it was comforting. There was a moment of silence I was fighting back my tears then I just jumped out with hope that it would sooth her and told her about my dream. She said she dreamt of him too. She said yes he is much happier not suffering. I probably cant away the hurt but I hope that at that point in time I was able to make her feel a little better knowing that all the dreams that we have had of him have been good ones.

Another thing I learnt from her that day was about trusting in God. Knowing that with each prayer we make or an intent we have He will help. What started it was our talk about the vendors at the bazaar. She was saying how some of them sold cakes from yesterday and all that and during this month when we go to a place like that we are tempted to buy this and buy that and when its time to break our fast we don’t eat them and it goes to waste. Our temptation in our state of fast make us want to buy all the food that we see well at least the ones that looks good but anyway she said she tried something which actually worked – just before she leaves the house she says ‘Please God, let me buy only what I need and protect me from buying what I don’t’. That actually works for her. I said I would try it. The point of it basically is not to waste.

What can I say it was one of life’s lessons one that a school can’t teach you and if there was ever test you aren’t taught before hand how to answer the questions as the saying goes

“The difference between school and life? In school, you're taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you're given a test that teaches you a lesson.”

My grandmother’s situation is not getting any better. When I visited her last week she seems alright but this week she seems to be going in and of it. She is slurring and forgetting things. It seems she showing signs of an impending stroke (God Forbid). In spite of it, she managed to utter I love you with a faint smile when I kissed her and told her I loved her. That was a special moment for me. I kid her a lot like that. I’ll say I love you and ask to do the same and she would she would tease me sometimes and stick her tongue. She is an amazing woman and even though her health is pretty bad she still seem to have that fighting spirit evident in the women of our family. I grew up with her for the first twenty three years of my life – I can’t imagine not having her for another 20 or 40 more years. Please say a little prayer for her so she will be more alert to the environment around her and for to be healthy always.

At iftar my grandma joined us as the head of the table. She looked just like she always does – alert. She was her better self for that time and that was really nice. She smiled ate with us and joked with us. Honestly we can’t make out what she is saying but we just smile with her and just nod our heads agree with her. The doctors said what she really needs is attention from family and lots of tender loving care – that will keep her spirits up. And I think that’s what everyone is trying to do as much as they can given that everyone has their responsibilities and work commitments. But we try for her sake cause she is the cutest little grandma around ;)) ..

So that was my weekend two days late but at least its here. Ill end with a picture of my family taken about 2 yrs ago when some of them were still around. My grandma is the sweet lil ole lady in blue .