...430pm

...Today is wishing day for me .. with dark clouds rolling outside, rain pouring in abundance i sit and think and make wishes.. My thoughts travel to someone who means the world to me ....... my thoughts go to my grandmother who is laying in her bed immobile and in pain .... to my mom who has to deal with a mother who is not doing well and her own personal loss..... to my cousin who is going through the loss of a parent ..... i sit here and question the events that have transpired in the last few weeks and wonder what is coming within the next ... i sit and make wishes in my heart in my mind .. hoping and wishing hard ... things havent been the way they were in recent weeks and i sometimes you feel that sense of loss creep into you ..... i miss so many people in my life right now and i could live it all over again i would ... .. i feel lost ... my sprit is flying but it doesnt seem to have anything to grab hold on ..... . it flies with the wind with all its secrets, its desires over the atmosphere without the ability to stop .......

I wonder who hears these wishes .. the angels , the universe, God... the angels who been sent to watch over my grandma, my mother, my cousin and the man who means everything to me ...who i have obviously scared of.. one i will miss when he returns home within the next few weeks .... sometimes you dont know how much loss you can take but then you look at how people lose whole families in the blink of an eye .. it makes you think .. is it the same ? should we put our own grievences aside and think about what others have to go through? people we dont know? That usually gives us strength but then it gets overwhelming for us personally ... i dont know. Life poses a list of unanswered questions for me these days..... You think little children ask too many questions ..... look at us adults... it seems that questioning things is a never ending quest.... why why why ... :) ... how cool is the mind - where a wishing day turn into a day of rambling and wonder... welcome to my mind ...

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