Just before work midweek ...

0726am .... i have about half an hour before i leave for work... I figured id just write a little since i havent done so the past two days .. Sleep isnt always a companion ... i didnt sleep as well .. kept waking up so in the end i stopped fighting it and woke up ... Anyways, if anything i am glad April is done for. over. not exactly a month id like to remember .. ahh yes now its may - 3 days into may... trying to stay positive this month hoping for a more positive outcome in every aspect of my life. I think i am aiming to accomplish some goals too this month - so i am keeping everything crossed .... fingers toes eyes

0729am... its mid week wednesdat... ladies night whatever people call it these days. two more days and its the weekend - Mothers Day weekend (YAY) as well as the general elections - whooopie ... NOT ... its 3 weeks before the semester vacation - im not really sure if i am looking forward to it but i could use with a little break but like always i would always miss the kids. i dreamt about war last night though I am not reallly sure what my dream was about but i am pretty sure i dreamt about 'C - one of those things you can feel'.. speaking of which i havent seen him since i last talked to him on the 2nd May.. i think i may have done something wrong again by writing the blog i dont know... last we talked he was upset :( & i dont like seeing him upset ... *sigh*.. i hope he is doing ok though... when i dont see him i worry - about everything you know .... but like always prayers and hoping is all i can do until i see him again though i did send him some offlines...... now i await a respond .... i hope everythings ok .... please let it be God ...

0734am... i spent May Day with my family. My grandma was at the hospital and i hung out with her .. i am not big on hospitals and i am sure most people are not either. i saw some things that broke my heart while others warmed it ...... my niece enjoyed her visit to her great grandmother heehee... she hugged her kissed her and my grandmother was so happy to see her great granddaughter... she clapped her hands and smiled - she was like a little child .... just really sweet ... My grandmother - only one i have and sweeter than candy. My cousin told me that she offered her blanket to the patient on the next bed ... *smiles* ... . just how sweet is that .. even when she is in pain she cares about people .... she likes having people visit her ...... she likes having people around .. i guess when you household has a lot of people its only natural that this was the case...

0740am.. still about my granny .. she has multiple dementia - caused by her old age, some of the stresses in life she endured, her alzheimers and her countless falls and strokes.. She sees things that are not there, dont remember where she is and forgets people. For my grandmother her memory goes on and off.... :( .. She has been calling for my aunt who has passed away of late. I think she misses her ... i dont how the mind functions for someone with dimetia but in their own way i think they feel and yet they cant be expressive about it. i always feel that elderly people shouldnt be feeling so much pain in ther old age i suppose that is not the case. They seem more helpless and have more pain. I have heard my grandmother's cry of pain if someone accidentally hits her left hip or whenthey try to move her .. she would scream in agony - not very nice to have to watch something like that especially not when its your own grandmother... my grandmother is soft like donut dough - i love to just feel her skin ... just caresses it let her know that there are people around. i think sometimes she would get scared when there is no one around so we have to constaly remind her that we are around...... even in sickness she looks so radiant ... so pretty ... :) My grandmother's other problem is her lack of sleep. she would go without sleep two days on end and the sleep for a day. That is a cause of concern especially for someone her age. There was one nigth when she didnt sleep and talked all night .... she would talk about everything mainly a lot of things from her past...

0753am....... well i think ill pause for now. i have tons of hospital stories to write but i have to leave for work so maybe id continue during lunch well see ...... time for vitamins , more water and the fun trip to work whoopieeeeee ..............................