....it comes in three's

........Good or bad things come in a string of threes - i dont want to believe it happens with the bad i mean lets face it who wants bad things three times in a row (knock on wood).. anyways its raining now, very nice cooling night .. i may go to bed early today seeing that i have to be in school early instead of the usual 10am on Thursday - we are having a party in school yay!!! now i feel more like the kid then the teachers heehee.. anyways.. its been a relatively good day - i was a little on edge but i got over it - i usually do .. free spirits get over things .. and i think that picture i found made me happy too .. little daisies - i can just picture being in a field of just those little things rolling around just feeling free and can see that little leave thats shaped like a butterfly - isnt it pretty ........ :) .. i had a late night last night i think i finally asleep at 4am ... sometimes it feels like i can handle it and sometimes it feels like i cant .. then again nothing vitamin b cant cure or better yet a big cup of coffee .. well my late night last night was well worth it - cos i got to talk to 'c' again because good things do happen in threes and i spoke to him 3 days in a row time zones and all ... it seems like my night went into another day and another and another which i think is pretty cool .. for example i talked to him late monday night which went into tuesday and tuesday night and early wednesday night- probably silly to notice something like that but serioulsy no harm in being silly :) in the words of ralph waldo emerson Be Silly. Be honest. Be kind. so if dont see him in the next few days id understand but then again i am still hoping for & looking forward to that blue moon... :)

....i have had laughed alot in the past few days and like any conversations there are the serious moments and just normal moments - was it like a roller coaster ride? Sure but i love roller coasters - havent been on one in a longtime .. ...anyways .. we talked about embracing change in this case me moving on forgetting about him - i wish it was easier said than done - when youve met and experienced time with someone like 'c' it is always not easy to move on - i am thankful that we have crossed paths and even more grateful that we still talk ... but i guess for one of us things are a tad deeper and moving on to another would probably take more time - who knows... so embracing is kind of tough right now - even though it is probably the right thing to do ... maybe it will go away by itself maybe it will not who knows .. till then i know how i feel and thats what i am embracing .... *sorry* ..........

September is birthday month and it 'c's birthday too - well i asked about birthday presents and what would he consider a nice birthday present so i noted him down when he said .....and i quote ' the whole thing is not what i wont...its what u would want me to have..something that i wouldnt forget abt before next year something that would make me look forward to getting a year older...i am a gift giving guernaunt' end of quote ..... and yes there is so much truth in that :) so maybe .........

I blog some thoughts here some i keep within my paper journals - i think there is just so much you can share with the world but then again i think im like an open book when it comes to some areas of my life besides who knows the person they are reading about.. *wink* .. i hope i havent upset anyone with my thoughts opinions vents and whatever else that goes down here .. that was never my intention and still isnt - this is a personal outlet to say things maybe i am not able to say 'face to face' ......

In a nutshell the past three days have been really nice .... i couldnt have asked for a better week that i have had. 'c' and his adventures - i love hearing about them - something i have always enjoyed even when he was in iraq tho his adventures are of a diffrent nature - i still enjoy them and there will be a time when there would be other things - maybe i cant handle them now who knows i might later maybe .. :) whatever it is doesnt mean it handnt cross my mind but there is not much you can do with a situation where you have no control over ...

before i go around in circles i think im ready to sleep if i can. no 'c' tonight but hope he had a fun time wherever he is ... nites nites world ..... blog ya later ........

lunchtime @ work ...

.....its luncthime at work - figured id blog a tad .. .. its dark and windy outside - thunderstorms are approaching my kinda of day lol .. not morbid or anything i guess i just love thunderstorms and of course the rain. im am tempted to just sit outside in the school garden and watch the thunderstorms come while the rain falls on me .. but anyways at least its not a hot day today. On cold days like these its always nice to cuddle with someone or just get all bundled up and read a book or journalling while sipping a cup of tea or hot cocoa........ but i guess moving away from dreamings its me infront of my desk at my work with the kids drawings and reports to finish lol .. yeah i have a tendency to make a moment anti climatic and i do believe i do a great job heehee ... anyways .. two things i would like to note to myself here .......the first a lesson from 'c' himself that ..... .. confidence is a very sexy thing compared to any other part of the body... and so is the mind .. its not all about looks.. confidence, a great mind coupled with heart would make quiet a person i would think .. :) then again thats just what i think ..everyones entitled to their thoughts :P
sometimes i feel like its play week - i do believe i havent had this short a week in a while - i mean i love teaching and what not but i guess i am just exhausted from the past few months and need to recharge badly - question is will i even do that seeing i have already started making a list of things i have to do during that time - and this does include school work mind you ... it involves the home ..cousins engagement, meeting up with my gf who is back visiting from Norway - inviting her over for dinner, then meet up with other old school friends, clean the storerooms, cupboards n what nots basically unclutter - i can just imagine how wonderful things would be after all this uncluttering.. .. I have to get things before the before the fasting month which starts on september 24th ... so i do believe i will be a busy bee but i like keeping busy .. makes the time past faster..speaking of time its time to get back to work .. did what i wanted now its back to what i need to do ... im on my 3rd cup of coffee btw ... jitters heehee.. i re read my poem .. now should i or shouldnt i let them read .... hmmmmmmm.....

-- intensity...

if there were any 2 days to make up for all the stress ive put myself through those days would have been today & yesterday.. I smiled i laughed and just pretty much had a good time - sometimes it feels like stress just melted away and i was worriless (sp?) - well not a whole lot at least hahah anyways i was just happy - i guess i am always happy when 'c' comes online and i get to talk to him .. sometimes i think he is dr feel good ... :) all over too.. *winks*.. anyways .. i havent seen him since last thursday and well as usualy i have been thinking alot about him today more than other days - the missing the feelings are all more intensed in recent days ...it happens everytime i seee 'c' - its like an indication of his coming lol i know that probably sounds dramatic lol - sometimes its really hard to explain it - one needs to really experience to fully comprehend what the heck i am rambling about ...
...talking about happiness inspite of being in the melancholy realm of the zodiac i do believe i am all in all a generally happy person - doesnt take much to make me happy and does take a lot to upset me well anyways.. its been a pretty good past three days so i cant complain and the fact that i have a short week just adds to the excitement - 3 and a half day week woo hoo .. 3 days of work and on Thursday its teachers day so we are having celebrations and school functions for half a day actually its less than that more like a few hours then from friday september first school closes for about 10 days - i am really looking forward to that time to recharge and what not .....
... i am all for the fact that the mind is a powerful tool aside from being sexy and what not (yes people with a brain & who actually use it are very very sexy...). What you think sometimes manifests itself - i do believe i read an article about it how thoughts are like prayers so its crucial to think good thoughts always . but anyways.. like i mentioned earlier been a pretty intense past week of just about everything -. Soemtimes the universe feel for your subscious - knwoing what it is that you need or long for what little thing would put a little skip in your walk so hey thanks for paying attention to me invisble forces.. back to the mind - like i said thinking and thinking about 'c' - i do believe i was in front of my pc trying to get inspired and really was in deep thought and guess whose message box popped up .. i was actually shocked but of course happy - i was like wow ... i was just thinking about this man .... and lo and behold he is here .. i was smiling like a jack ass heheee i think if anyones whose been inlove and have that person there after a long absence could possibly relate to what i am rambling about .. . so it was actually a wonderful moment catching up, sharing, joking & just having him there again for a moment in time ........ :) ahhh bless the little things in life .... Thank God for the time ... for that moment was mine to keep ...

..i found me a sunset

... i found me a sunset among all my clutter (yes i am still uncluttering ) and i having a blast doing it cos i find all sorts of interesting things that i never thought i had or had created but anyways back to the sunsets - a pretty one that is... behind the pigeon holes lurks a beaufitul golden sunset and i watched it with glee from my then bedroom window - recalling the sunsets i get to see everyday and the sunrises that wakes up every morning ... .. i liked my bedroom at the old place compared to this one - hardly get to see the sunset but i do get alot of nature so i cant really complain .. anyways .. herei s sharing a little of home with the outside world as i go on my quest in collecting more sunsets ....... :)

S... & B...

what was i thinking heeheehe.... i think i need a brain wash - with lots of soap & water & some innocent at that ... lord knows where my minds been and where it has gotten .... whats funny is that when they were giving these out at the mall - the whole 'suck & 'bite' words on the packet didnt really hit me - maybe because when we get samples we just well over look or just dont pay any attention ... anyways .. i came home and looked at the lollipops again and just burst out laughing - feeling a little naughty and the words 'suck' & 'bite' comes into play - the meaning the lollipop at least in my mind and the picture seems to imply something too hahahah .. *blushes* .. sometimes it looks like an instructional manual for ummmmm lol ok i better stopt his oh oh wait they say its sugar free but i am thinking there is a whole of sweetness in s & b tee heee ... ... well that was my moment of nottiness .. and i ask the makers of chupas or rather the product designers ....... what were u guys thinking when you came up with this concept ???? *wink* ........

still in it ...

deny deny deny ...humming that to the tune of perhaps perhaps perhaps ........ i was talking to a friend today and we was just catching up on old times - him updating me on his current love situation - fiancee and what not .. nice to see people falling inlove and getting hitched - lord knows theres been a lot of that here lately ... -- im just a sucker for seeing two souls united in love - i am a die hard romatic i guess ... but anyways .. he asked me 'so are you in love'? hows the love life ? and knowing me my ultimate reply was 'hell no' & what love life .. lets face it what love life? hahaha anyways then he gave me that look - im like umm errr and i laughed so i told him ... well lets just say i am in love with the one that got away ........ he grinned - the one that got away huh must be a hell of a guy lol ... i just smiled at him and raised an eyebrow - bah! anyways .. i realized that i still am inlove in with 'c' - and i figured i was over it but i guess i wasnt .. hahah oh what fun lol and i of course mean it in a good way .. maybe i have been in denial this whole time not truly acknowledging how much i feel for him until a friend had to ask for me to admit it to myself .. i noticed that i am often apologetic about it when in actual fact i shouldnt be right? Its a natural and i am pretty sure i have my reasons for feeling the way i do for him ....

a lifetime wish ...

"If I could have one lifetime wish, one wish that would come true...I'd pray to God with all my heart, for yesterday...and You!"........

i think ive had enough excitement for one day and its time to bid the day farewell .. i have had a considerably good day inspite of it all and for that i am very thankful .. i am still a little edgy and sensitive but its will pass i am sure until it does i have to deal with it - and trust me it is so not easy ... anyways , that quote above is one of my many favorites - yes i found it among the clutter ... yet once again ... there is so much truth in that and wanting the yesterdays but what to do ... maybe a lifetime wish will be mine until then i hope it will be a peaceful night of sleep and hopefully i will get the chance to talk to 'c' again sooner or later ..... so its time to get into the pink of my bed with dreams and wishes and hopes .....good nite world ...

my LIFE on Paper Journals

..... .... uncluttering does wonders and today i was motivated to re organize to redecorate and that i did .. i started with my candle place then my bedside table and finally and most importantly my boxes of journals .. i bought a long flat plastic container that i can easily slide under my bed for my journals - i have been wanting to do that for a while now and finally i did ... i think its that time again when i get into the mood of cleaning and uncluttering ..... and as tired as i was after work i did it none the less.. motivations works in strange ways .. hail motivation for being on my side today .. now all my journals would be put together into one big journal box hurrah hurrah.. i dont know why but it makes me feel happy and im im still like wow did i write in all of them ...... but anyways ... presenting My Life on Paper Journals ... - and they are all about me - not trying to sound conceited but just stating the truth .. hahaha.. My collection of journals almost 17 years of my life are documented in those colorful books and pieces of paper. I have a variety of journals - some of them i made some of them i bought - i think as i got older older my journals got more straight forward tho none the less colorful - i love colors - it adds so much to the dullness of life sometimes ..... after i arranged all my precious journals together - just sat back and stared at them and thinking to myself ' my my my thats my life there .. i knew i had journals i just didnt know how many .. one thing though i dont read back on my journals i dont know why - after ones done i keep it and start on a new one ....... my collection is obviously still growing because aside from blogging i still write in my journal - i think its one those things that we should not let technology take over ..... Though most of my thoughts feelings and what nots are box there are piles of pieces of paper where i dont have a proper book for. Its one of those where you have an idea and your out and about with no paper insight so its down to bits of pieces and and paper ... The two piles of paper in the picture with the flowers are my unfiled journal entries - i think if anyone tried to read them they would have a hard time sometimes i think thats the whole idea ...*snicker* ......but anyways while putting these journals into the box - i sneaked into my pass journals and sometimes i wonder was that person really me ? lol sometimes for the wrong reasons sometimes for the right reasons but one thing i know i do believe i have grown mentally and lord knows physically heheee..... my experiences have been quiet interesting i have to admit and i am sure that goes for everyone else lives too - but hey this about me (just kidding...) Anyways i am just happy t hat i am able to do this - and share it with everyone .... journalling is definitely fun and it really helps in sharing your thoughts when you dont want to be judged or misread ... i would recommend if whoever is reading this havent started already ... as for me the journalling continues.......for this mind hardly rests..... and as i end this i wonder what would be the perception of anyone who reads(just assuming anyone would) ... these journals with details of the last 17 years of my life ............... hmmmmm......

another 25th ....

Thank God its Friday yet once again - where did all that time go??? August is coming to an end i am so glad that it is .. some things this month i dont wish to remember actually i seem to have forgotten them ..yay me!.. a little after 7 am getting ready rather ready for work just waiting to leave enjoying my cuppa hoping that i could see you know who before i left hahahah wishful thinking i guess.. it seems when i am around and when he is i am not - oh lord what luck .. but anyways ....... another 25th- it sems everytime a 25th arrives my thougths are brought back to that 25th in october 05 ....... ahh yes sheer bliss .. memories .. the meeting that would and have changed my life .. heehee how dramatic am i this morning .. i think i woke up on a positive note considering how on edge i was last night - i had to ask people to approach me with caution .. it seems like last night every little thing agitated me and i was close to tears - *wonders if its the new moon or the pms or maybe just a coupling of the 2 * i slept pretty early - so i dont have to deal with anything heehee i just hope i didnt miss 'C' cos i know imssed him earlier yesterday evening ..... i think this week went relatively fast - maybe because i had two days leave from work only because i was not in the country .. i hope next week passes just as fast and then voila its the school holidays a total of 10 days ... ill take 10 days over no days anytime ....... time to recharge my batteries because i am going to be one extra busy bee after that .............. i think september in itself will be a busy month .. the busier the better i think ....

i sometimes wonder how can someone youve never met have such an impact on your life - i maye have had a diffrent perception sometime back but now i am more wondering- trying to grapple and what not .. trying to make sense of things - will it ever make sense or maybe it isnt just meant to make sense of ... someone sent me an email ............. that silly guy from 43things ..... hmmmm .. my earlier refrence was obviously directed at 'c' .. anyways i am just saying right now i feel safe in my little world .. it seems to be free of a lot of things for the most part and in any given world you have your occasioanl flu or fever outbreak and it goes the same for mine except mine comes in the form of certain hurts agitations and tears but none the less its a happy world - my natural high helps sometimes and just being able to see little things and to be able to enjoy time with 'c' no matter how little it is ... i sometimes wonder if he knows how much that means to me ... anyways i am just saying i am not really sure i am ready to have anyone else enter my little world .... unless they are alredy a part of that world ............. as i type this i am already making a to do list in my mind ......

to do list .........
1. call ira
2. arrange k & h's wedding pictures . scan dinner menu & invitation cards
3. create menu for dinner party
4. laundry laundry & more laundry
5. do more uncluttering ....

i realize when my spirits are high i tend to talk more and just talk - its weird i think cos i think i am pretty quiet most of the time .. when i am in higher spirits it seems like im like an open book .. i am trying to decipher myself i am way complicated for my own good ........ un complex me please somebody anybody ...

sigh my never ending processing mind ....... on its doing something its thinking of another thing .. anyways time to jet - i think ill stop by starbucks for my caffeine boost - havent done that in a while ... umm err coffee anyone ? ..................

groggy morn ..... new moon

its the new moon later tonight ..... :) new beginnings maybe? .... seems like the vibes aura have been removed and now its all about fresh starts good vibs n what nots .. who knows .....

...... good morning thursday have you a moment to spare for this island girl to vent and bitch and moan - tho not in that order..... its warm outside - i am not even out and i can feel the heat yuck and today kids have extra play time nooooooooo.... going to be all hot and sticky before the day is through but thats ok - i didnt sleep as much as i should - - - typical isnt it and now i am starting to get all groggy but nothing a nice cup of cuppa would not fix oh and i made corn fritters - (recipe courtesy of the oprah show)... ummmm they were so yummyy .. i had them with malple syrup ... my energy level should pick up pretty soon .. i talked to 'C' for a brief moment today - it was a nice conversation .. he is going out with some friends - he seems to be enjoying himself these days heheee .... (hmm i wonder if he would trade places with me for a while ..... )... i am always thrilled to see him online - havent seen him a bout a week (yes i still mark the days down as pathetic as that may sound)... what can i say what i shouldnt say ........... im losing it - my bed seems so tempting right about now .. its calling to me .. noooooooooo... have to go to work have to go work ... im wondering how he looks like these days - all i can do now is use my imagination which is actually pretty good hehehee... hmmm its late have to rush for work .. will continue later ..

Love Is ....

Love is not how YOU forget, but how you FORGIVE
Not how You LISTEN but how you UNDERSTAND
Not what YOU feel and not how you let go
but how You HOLD on....

whats bitter but sweet...

ummm ..... im in chocolate heaven ...

i hv many favorite things people food n what nots .. but my passion or something i love alot n lust for aside from 'C" heheee is Lindt chocolates ... i remembered when they first came out here in Singapore like light years ago - it was such a craze - in those days it seems they were gourmet chocolate tho i still think they are too now cos for SGD4.25 for a bar of chocolate is pretty expensive but its sooooooooo worth the money .. i havent had this in a while probably because its been out of stock at most supermarket (see everyone loves them..)... ive searched regular supermarkets and upscale ones but no Lindt (this particular flavor of course..) but then yesterday i found my favorite chocolate .. i had to indulge to satisfy the craving and it was u yuumyumm and im not shy to say i finished 3/4 of the bar heheehe ... Lindts pistaciou chocolate is not bad too but i would recommned Lindt Excellence - Intense Orange Dark ..... its dark chocolate with pieces of orange and almond slivers and its to die for .. im willing to share .... whats left of it .. anyone want some ? ...

is it ?

.....finding someone who realizes your dreams and shares them with you & wanting to make them come true with you - is it a dream? is it a fantasy? is it a reality? ............. or

the wantings of a heart craving to love, to give love , to experience love?.....

inspirations .....

'Nothing is impossible if your heart is in the right place'.........

'................ a heart truly in love never loses hope, but always believes in the promise of love, no matter how long the time or how far the distance .... ......'

end of the week vents .....

i feel a like the bitche ( not like thats a bad thing at all) ... is coming out of me so i figure id rant ... out of ths sweet sweet girl(never said i was .. people do hahah well sometimes :)) this is just a rant - wasnt the best of days and it wasnt the worst either ( i am sure others have had worst days) - my remedy for a day like today - cooking and cleaning! hail cooking hail cleaning .. but anyways back to the rant at hand ..... and i ask ....
why cant we all get a long ? the state of the world to date is pretty overwhelming and none the less tiring - i
am starting to wonder if i am drained because of work or the the state the world is in( yes unfortunately for me i am a news junkie) even though sometimes the media can be pretty biase in their reports ( i shall not mention which ones are) because i am sure you whose reading are able to pin point who did what and whose on whose side) ... but anyways .. in between mother nature's wrath and the idiotic ways of politicians and ceratin groups i am just having the time of my life arent you? Who does not look forward to waking up in the morning to news of more bombings killings suicide attacks - whoopie what a way to start the day , the deaths the loss the grief of people all over the world regardless of who or what they are seems to me pretty similiar especiallys those in war torn countries, invaded countries and the military forces who have made to fight this war i do wonder if they feel its justifiable anyways the morning wake does not end end there - it continues to the rest of the day and into the night - amazing how time zones change but peoples egos and hardedness that have caused more death and destruction does not ...

the recent plot to blow up airplanes that was in the air was uncovered in the UK - what r they thinking abt ???? we r talking abt the lost of innocent human lives - but hey do these terrorists even care ? I dont think soo .. its such a selfish ideology - its more like idiotology ... Seriously - some of these people just need to calm down ............. i can never fathom the mind of a terrorist and i dont think i even want to start ... world domination is not the solution to the worlds problems - if anything it raises more questions to indiviudals .. we cannot shove our faiths down other peoples throats and vice versa - whatever happened to respect tolerance and peace of mind ? Why cant we all for the remaining time this earth has live in peace without the wars, the killings and what not and if death is a natural process - let it be because of natural causes not one caused by man ........

The so called 'new'conflict in the Middle east between Israle and the Hizbollah seesm to be getting out had - i do hope that can reach to a cease fire soon - too much ego at work and too much innocents getting killed at the expense of the invaders - they t ry to shoot at something yet there is nothing there - sounds a tad bit familiar doesnt it and in the process - hundred thousands gets killed - lives built now shattered - countries infrastructure in shambles .. we all see images of little baby's bombed - hey survived it - peeling skin , in agonizing pain , a little boy crying out in pain - we see these images everyday on tv yet the conflict goes on yet people cant show compassion - cant even try to help ... or to they choose whom they want to help?

As i was writing this, i heard something on the news about how the Red Cross is way behind in their drive to help the Lebanese people - they are not even close to their target and this seems to go with other organizations. It seems like corporations are not too eager to give to help the Lebanese people in the conflict - it does make one raise their eyebrows ... So i am questiong the fact - is it because these people are from the Middle east? muslims? arabs? .. and i wonder too if the roles were reversed - would the respond be any diffrent?..................

......... and on that note .. i echo John Lennons vision of world peace, of tolerance, of living side by side in peace & harmony ..and God knows right now the world needs to give peace a chance ........ because we need it ...

...healing tool ..

.. I found this cute little picture among my clutter - which i have been hard at work uncluttering ... heehe... i really like this picture ... its insprational and shows how the creative process whatever form it may be in - can be used as a healing tool - at least thats what i see ... :) but of course this picture is open to interpretation :)

So hey .. i love you ....

i have done this pretty much from the moment i started it hehee today was extra special cos i said to my grandmother on the phone – why that seems extra special is probably because until a while ago she couldnt talk to anyone on the telephone because of her memory lost and stroke that contributed to her not be able to hear anyone … She has since gotten so much better. I called to speak to my mom and asked about grandma – so my mom said asked you herself which i did :) i love her voice .. she said yes this your grandma – that just put a smile on my face felt so much warmth .. i sked her how she was doing and all that … if she had lunch and she told me what she had it was just really nice .. then i told her i loved her :) hehee … i heard her giggle which was cute .. my mom told me after all that , that my little niece was giggling and covering her mouth saying .. great grandma is talking on the phone – i think that amused her .. hehehe .. My most memorable i love you’s would be when i said it to my grandmother when i was visiting her .. i leaned over to kiss her and said i love you she whispered back i love you too … thats was just so cute .. i just wish i could record moments like that – those are priceless and then watch them over and over again – makes you feel really warm and fuzzy :) .. There is one I love you that i am holding back but i think they know who they are so no more holding back – i love ya! :) and i hope that it doesnt freak them out.. heehee For some strange reason too i felt like i should tell people i love them more – ive done this with my family and my friends – in the past few weeks – sometimes you feel like that there wouldnt be another chance to tell them that you love them. People should know we love them especially when we dont spend that much time together …. I have to admit its sometimes hard to say I love you to someone and instead of saying we show them with our actions and what nots – sure that is nice but i think we need both telling them and showing them .. SO hey i love you .. mom grandma cousins nieces n nephews friends n what nots ..

See more progress on: Tell the people who i love, "I love you" more often

Mommyyyy i wanna go to disneylandddddddd.............

This has always been a childhood dream of mine – to visit disneyland and meet mickey and minnie in person hahaha.. I think when i was growing up the whole disney phase hit this part of the world. I could remember the disney hats, the toys, they had live disney shows at shopping malls (though not as elabarate as they are today)..and who could ever forget the mickey mouse club – ..now its time to say goodbye to all our friends blah blah the words seem to be fading but the tune intact …. sitting here writing this it feels like i wam reliving those days .. i see a see a merry go round – i see the castle lol oh wow .. freaky huh ….nyways .. i would love to visit disneyland and be a kid again …...hat would be soo awesome!!!!then again i am some what of a kid at heart – - makes you a whole lot happier .. and to have the chance to meet the two most cutest mouse and donald and goofey & the rest of the gang…dreams…

See more progress on: Go to Disneyland

... putting it aside for a while ..

At this point, time is not on my side to achieve this goal .. but it still stays on my list. .. The workload at school has increased seeing that 2 more special little angels have been added to my class of 20 – which means more cute & amusing antics to deal with – i cant complain really :)They are the best destressors ever ...but if i feel overwhelmed i can always think of Torey Hayden :).. I have yet to read more books about inspirational educators (any recommendations??) so she would me my heroine for now .. anyways .. days are longer at school and being the second semester and all means more work. So going back to school now is kinda out of the questions but who knows should the heavens grant me a miracle, an oppurtunity that i am able to squeeze it somewhere in my life i am still keeping my options open. Until then i am not really at a lost because the schools sent some of us teachers to get certified in special needs education which is a good thing .. I seem to be leaning more and more to working with special need kids you know (ADHD, autism, dylexsia).. if you think teaching pre schoolers is a challenge try special needs and from experience – i found patience and endurance pays off they are so sweet and loving :) so hey we never know .. so the degree has to wait until i work something out with my plans for the the upcoming months …. :) wish me luck!

See more progress on: Go back to school for my degree in early childhood education

i got me a miracle ...

I think the mistake in waiting for miracle to happen is that we are waiting for those big miracles when the we miss out or even overlook on the little miracles that are happened. I guess i was hoping for that one miracle and over looked the others like my grandmothers recovery – going from to its just a matter of time from the doctors to hey you’re wrong again doc.. Maybe we shouldnt expect a miracle – possibly just let the universe take it course but that does not mean we dont believe in them or hope for them or work towards making things happen.. the phrase this would take a miracle is not just a phrase – its in itself a reality – because miracles do happen – it comes in all forms and situations – all we have to do is just look at things with a sharper eye and an open mind ..
enstranged family members who have been at odds with each other with no hope of ever reconciling – finally reconciles that does not fall short of a miracle … even if the situations that led to it may seem somewhat off to some.
when or how miracle happens maybe shouldnt be questioned – it just happens usually happens when you least expect it, it may b esooner or later .. you just never know these things …. Most important things is to have faith, work hard and never stop hoping :) and all will fall into the place whatever they may be …

See more progress on: Have a miracle happen

i thought before i spoke ..

i spoke .. i messed upp , i thought & thought & then i spoke again .. with much thought … haha :P … well i think one thing ive learnt from this whole ‘think before you speak’ experience is to keep my mouth shut, my thoughts to myself & hold back as much as possible because i have learnt the hard way that some people cant handle what i have to say – then again i cant really blame them … personally for me this is about keeping people’s feelings in mind – its easy to misread, mis interpretor over read into what comes of out of my mouth .. it could be a joke to others it could be something else i feel like my freedom of speech is being restricted .. time to ponder .. yes i have grown up .. a tad ;).............teehee

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lummie's box

Today i opened pandora's box more like Chris's box - letters emails journal entries pictures - i have no idea why i did it today but i did and God knows im overwhelmed.. The tears just flowed .. ... could one person have this profound impact on you after so long ??? Anyways .... I guess i was asking for it ... or maybe i just miss the times miss him. ...... I had to stop a little bit reading through everything - from the sweetest emails to the meanest emails .. so i figured i would write a little let everything out of my system ... i think from the moment he came back to right now ... how i really feel for him i have kept it fighting it hoping that in some strange away it would all go away - the feelings, the love, the longings the gut feelings - i mean why feel for someone when they dont feel the same way for him - i mean i think for once in the last 10 months or so of knowing him that i have reached this conclusion then again probably not ... i have told myself this over nad over again - obviously it hasnt sunk in .....

vibes - injustices

The vibes are not very positive it seems today ... i dont know everything seems to be icky...... its nearly 2 am & i cant sleep .. one ot those nights i guess ... i think its time to whine or rather just mutter non stop .. i feel a little bit out of it , blue, down you name it i am there ... my mind is thinking constantly and wondering half the time about the what ifs, about the what nots and the whys .. yes the endless why's .. why why why or why ... i question what others have to go through and feel for them so much ...... i think the worst part is that who sense of helplessness that you cant do anymore more to help them ....

i question and wonder yet again about how sadistic and evil human beings can get .. that very evil nature that enjoys watching peoplel in misery if anything putting them in that position . i just wish justice would be served no matter how small ..... it just aggravates me that evil people like that get to roam the earth with no problem in hand - and while with all the blessings they receive they are mean to others ... dont they have a sense of compassion ? i guess not .... it truly baffles me ..... ... just breaks my heart seeing the person who is being unjust too ...

.. a little more motivation .. a little less food ..

I obviously reached the 5th August date .. and i did the inevitable – i had to weigh myself .. i waited and waited and avoided eating for a while hoping for a miracle hhahah (silly i know) anyways .. i finally sat with the much dreaded weighing machine and weighed myself …..... i didnt lose the 30 pounds that i wanted too but i did loose some weight sooo that for me is a little motivation – considering how somewhere down that road i lost it and ate a little more than i should – but i did the walking though not as much as i should have … but the good thing is my jeans are a little loose and the people around are starting to notice that i have lost some weight so that is in itself a good thing… From today till the 16th (thats when the dress for my cousins wedding reception is ready to the 20th(the reception itself) I have about two weeks to lose a little more weight – so i can fit in perfectly in the dress which i had the tailor done a few inches smaller (ambitious huh…) worst comes to worst i have a corset waiting lol .. so i aint worried but got to stick to the plan for the next 15days … I wish i had lost that much weight during the time but i needed a butt kick but i guess the butt kicker wasnt around and i was just way stressed out too so i reached for what makes me happy – yeah food … SOme people i know would probably disagree with me about food being the source of feeding the stress – but what i have learnt you wont know something or understand until you are in the persons shows – maybe someday down the road they can fathom or maybe not .. Anyways .. this will be an ongoing goal. well see what happens in the next two weeks .. probably indulge a little at the reception and then aim for another three months so i would think if i stuck to the plan as of 1st september 06 i should reach my goal (hopefully) by december 1st – just in time for end of the year celebrations .. and who knows a new me in 2007 hahah :) soo wish me luck ! :)

See more progress on: Lose 20 pounds in 3mths with 'C's 3 step system

karma faith retribution .. helloo???????

i often question the notion why do bad things happen to good people? These are the people who live good honest lives, hard working and just overall nice to everyone. They never say no when it comes to helping others yet it is them who are hit with a lot of obstacles.. sure we say its life but where is that fairness when the abusive, mean sadistic people get away from everything. There is not a single glitch in their lives - it seems the worst they treat others the better their lives are and i am not even talking about people an invaders of war torn countries i am talking in the context of a peaceful scenario - every day life here at home ..... you have peopel who use others - who only cares about themselves and no one else. They abuse others, over work them, have no respect for others and yet they get away with it .. no retribution nothing .. so i ask where is karma when you need it ? Doesnt what goes around comes around? When it this even coming?

Faith where is it when you need it ? I do believe that God helps the good people - that if you do good in your life for others and for yourself God will be there for you .. i ask where now? I talk about having faith to people , about holding on a little longer , yet when they come back to me and tell me that somethings bad happened i feel like my faith i shaken and i question it ... yet a part of me tells me when you think its about to get worst - rest assured it will get much better .. double triple ..... more than the setbacks that you feel right ow..

Where is the fairness and where is the justice? Where? I am trying to keep my faith in tact yet with what i have seen and what people close to me are experiencing it just makes me so angry and all i want to do is just smack the baddies ..grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr im so mad right now ..... ..

im am seriously wondering - why some people can get away with murder while others have to bear the brunt even when they have done nothing but good ...... until a few hours ago i had faith - i had hope that everything would be ok but i am not so sure anymore ... i guess happy days dont happy everyday or all the way that with all the pretty happy days i had there is bound to be some bad ones ... and i do believe it all started with that fall on the escalator followed by burns from the pan.... ... then again it could all be conincidental - who knows but Him .... so hey cut me some slack here and those around me n those i care about .. thanks :)