Friday by the hour ...

0106 hours......
.... very early friday morning... end of march .. where did the past month go? This was quiet a stressful month for me .... then again i am sure there are other people with their own stresses... This month felt it went by so fast yet so slow if that makes any sense .. Maybe there are things within the month that i wish i could forget.. This was the same month i turned 33 ... heehee .. feels like ages sometimes ... reflections are thing for me when one month passes and another comes by ... .. I wonder if i have reached some of the goals i made on my birthday or did i just breeze through this month that i forgot all about it ? I know for a fact that this was the month that i got back into the groove of writing constantly ... Initially it was just journal entries mainly and some poetry but of late i have been attempting more ... I plan on finishing a story i started some months back ... I am planning on joining 100 words this is the link if anyone is keen .... http://www.100words.com. Its a good pratice site for writing everyday - 100 words per day .. Discipline :) ... laws of writing is write write write .. It does help in the creative process wakes the brain up... tomorrows aprils fool's and i have an aunt who is busy planning tricks for the day she would always be the first one to pull pranks on us ... its funny when we think we will remember aprils fools only to forget it when the day comes ..... well i think i am going back to my story ... check in later .
.......0115hours

0340hours......
I cant sleep. feeling a little nausea. sick to the stomach like. uneasiness. I am worried about 'C'... I usually see him online at this time. He hasnt been on at all.. I hope everything is ok ... 'PLease God make everything ok .. keep his safe'.. I have a million scenarios going through my mind and none of them good... I am worried... way worried and restless. I dont know what to do... Been in and out of bed for the longest time.. tried sleeping doesnt work.. I am not going to harrass him when he gets back .. I would just be thankful when i see him on ... I think i upset him when i worry so best place for me to vent out is here ..... Sometimes i wonder if worrying is such a bad thing? I have gotten myself into enough trouble for worrying .... I guess when you care for someone ... I think i am going to walk a little ... clear the tension in my mind & to try & relax..
.......0348hours

0500hours......
There is a God in heaven no doubt about it ... He is back exactly 1am where he is. Was a long night for him and none the less for me. Bottom line for me here is that he is safe and doing fine tho tired... Thank you God .. :) He saw a shooting star the other day - how lucky is that.. well my minds at ease he is fine so i think i can go to bed now but before that a little quote by Harriet Beecher Stowe... There is indeed a whole lot of truth to this quote this morning was prove enough....

''When you get into a tight place and everything goes against you, till it seems as though you could not hold on a minute longer, never give up then, for that is just the place and time that the tide will turn....'

nite nite world ...
......0515hours

2345hours.......
Another Friday night at home..The girls decided not to go home so i guess i am going to have my own dance party minus the whole club atmosphere hehee..Oh well i might as well just spend the night relaxing, listening tos some tunes, write write & write & talk to 'C' if he decides to come back on ..(crossing fingers).. Today seem like a long and tiring day - i think my brains on overload .... lets just hope it doesnt expload .. I have candles buring so the night is pretty calm .. nice day to spend at the beach if it didnt rrain today.. I liked tho when it rained, when it got dark and the winds were blowing ... (makes me sound dark huh .. teehee)...Was like a scene out of a horror movie.. ooooo oooooo .. well im going to go n lay down n relax maybe write n hopefully I get to talk to 'C' tonight ..... and id leave this entry with this little paragraph from a pretty song ... its called 'almost like a song' by Ronnie Milsap an oldie but goodie ...

' Once in every life , Someone comes along, And you came to me, It was almost like a song'..

Someone who comes along and opens your eyes to life to yourself . Someone who teaches a lot yet they dont realize how much of an impact & change they have brought to your life. Its important to let them know that tho in not so many words and i was lucky enough to have crossed with such a person ... & I wish wish he knew that how much he has contributed to my life .... :)

nite nite world

.......2359hours

Free Spirit & Inner Critics

i was asked today why i was so hard on myself – seriously i dont know what to answer. I have tons of why’s i am hard on myself yet i dont know where to start. I sometimes ask to i set standards for myself? That i have to be this person all the time? the one who is happy laughing bubbly n what not and hide all the pain. It seems i am always the one to eventually give in and when i do it feels like all the blame falls on me .. yet deep down in my heart i know i am far from that. I am a free spirit – a person who is always happy, smiling, funny looking at the more positive side of people of life. Im witty, smart well all that i am .. confidence :) but then sometimes i fumble especially when it comes to those i love oh boy do i ever screw up …. Ive always been told JUST BE MYSELF - thats what i have been doing none the less, but sometimes your inner critic can be a real pain in the u know what .. and having that person approve of you is so important… sigh if i had a muffler id shut the inner critic for a very very long time ..

See more progress on: Stop being so hard on myself

Me sorry for being me ...

I have not been doing a whole lot of this of late. In fact i have been apologizing for being me.. I dont think if its good for the soul.. I am starting to question myself – the me that i have been all the while. You know the one with all the imperfections yet i fit in nicely into this world we live in and get along with pretty much everyone… yet i find myself a clutz and apologizing for the littlest thing like my stupidy, lack of understanding of certain things, for misunderstanding, for caring & worrying a little too much and what not. I have gotten into so much trouble that i have been ms apologizing for my actions for the whole of last week…hmmmm i wonder what Oprah would say? grrrrr…..

See more progress on: never apologize for being me

rainy sunday

....and the week ends finally on a wet Sunday ..... rained for most part of the day & me likie... was a quiet Sunday nice day to just hang around in the living room ..... reading writing or just being lazy ...but ... feels like something missing ... someones misisng .... .... what can i say i miss him .. a great deal .. thought about him alot today trying to clear the mind .... hope he is ok .. .. 821pm .... sitting here ... waiting .. hoping .. silly huh..
lol i couldnt find a cuter image thanthat for my rainy sunday .. that pretty much sums me up hahha except i dont have a cat.. i have a monkey & an adopted fish ....... :)

faith for now ..

Have faith in something is something i always preach. YOu have to believe in something to make it happen. Th belief that there is a bigger being up there watching you and listening to you… Dispensing advice and heeding it yourself is a pretty tough thing to do. I am trying to keep the faith as of right now. Have the faith that God is watching over someone whom i care about a great deal and protecting him physcially, emotionally and mentally. He is currently serving in Iraq and tho I get to find out about his wellbeing every other day today however is not the day. We havent spoken all day and that would be my own fault but thats anotehr story. Right now tho i need and want to have faith that even tho i dont know what is going on with him right now – that he is safe & protected. Believing that my prayers have been answered and at this moment he is sitting happy and safe…

See more progress on: have faith

Sometimes sleeping is the only way we can escape this that scares us

grrrrr… this is going to be a tough goal. Right now all i want to do it sleep .. Sleep seems to be the best thing right now and i am not talking about sleep where your mind is still functioning – i want a real deep sleep one where your subconscious is sleeping too.. Sleep is a great escape from lifes little problems and what not and someone told me this … ’ Sometimes sleeping is the only way we can escape this that scares us ’...... if only i could sleep …

See more progress on: go to bed and go to sleep, instead of lying in bed for hours staring at the ceiling because my brain won’t stop

fumbling idiot pt 2

................... and the saga continues... just when you think the week was over - all that crap you had to go through over the week it all spills in into the weekend.... whooopie .. thank you whoever is responsible for making this whole week go wrong for me .. but i hope you have some good things up your sleeve for me next week cos i am so close to breaking point right now .... Ive kept this window open all night.. so its the morning for the fumbling idiot .... and i had weird dreams of searching for someone ... hah atfer last nights events i wouldnt be suprised that i had that dream at all. but anyways... iits raining here today .. i love the rain .. it looks nice outside ..falling rain tears from the sky some say ... The sky is crying boo hoo hoo hoo .... I have this sudden urge to just jump right into the rain and go wild hahaha.. hey maybe i just might ...........and just when i am set do jump right out there it stops .. what luck and as i am writing there is thunder , the skies just got darker .. and you guess it rain.. what luck hahahah ... the spilling in to the weekend is no joke .... Obviously i didnt finish this part of the fumbling idiot 2. Just dont even know where to begin. So much going on in my mind Its been such a bleah Saturday. Glad its over.. Soo out of it .. .. Thought about him the whole day ... miss him so much ..

wonder what sunday is going to be like ...

a little afternoon mind sharing ...

What i would do for a triple grande soy latte right now & a nice piece of orange chocolate cheesecake from Starbucks ......... ummmm heaven ... ... but this nice cup of Nescafe Gold instant coffee & school made beef sandwich would offer just the same amount of pick me up & fill my belly up...
i have 90 mins before my meeting starts. My day with the children are done. Kids... i dont know what i would do without them...Their little hugs in the morning and when the day ends makes you feel all warm and nice. They are so sweet sometimes they can sense what is going on with you. They know when you need a hug or what not. My kids well the girls were more concerned about their little garden rather than playing hahaha... its like a new toy to them. The boys well boys will be boys when they are not aggravating the girls they are out playing... Come to think of it the male aggravating the female starts from childhood and its carried on to their adult years ... hahahah.. no pun intended... Then again that aggravating of the female could be a sign of the the male liking the female hahahah again who knows ...
I have reports generating next to me .. I wish i could just snap my fingers and all this paperwork will be done heehee ... You didnt think teaching kindergarten would require you to write reports ... i dont have a problem with it tho i get to see the fruits of my labour or not ... I received a little butterfly hairclip from one of my angels yesterday and i wore it to school today ... she was so happy that i did and said to me please wear it everyday lol .. kids ... they are truly the light in everyday living. Their antics, their smiles just make way for so much joy. Their questions which only a kid can get a way with well maybe i do sometimes but thats another story heehee... Their why's , whats' and all that its just so adorable ... You try to keep a straight face when you are teaching them but you cant help but smile .....
My sandwich is pretty good. I love the cook in this school. She is like a mother to all the teachers. She listens to us and makes some of the best dishes heehee. Today she was experimenting on her sandwich recipe which im thinking turned out pretty pretty good ... The company at hand is pretty good too eventhough he is watching a movie at this time . i dont mind really.. just knowing he is there is good enough for me & knowing that he is having a good time is even better heehee... .... well as im blogging i am in the midst of being creative ( ideas ideas ideas ) and ...i like it. writing is fun . writing is like therapy .. and people around you the experiences you have are your source of inspiration ... its been a while since i really had a good writing day and i hope it keeps going on. I think it has a lot to do with spring ...
im impressed at myself (go girl) ...for someone who slept at 6 this morning i am pretty functional teehee.. well anyways i have a poem to finish n reports to sign ... and another cup of coffee is in order if im going partying tonight ... woo hoo ...........

New Sights

.. a little poem inspired by a certain someone in a far away land....

New Sights

Strumming the guitar
Lost in her thoughts
Drifting to a far away land
Where desert covers the way
sandstorms order of the day
Where lands stretch out beyond my sights
Voices around lost in the distance
Through a secluded door

she sees...
Two white doves on a tree
a tree of olive green leaves swaying ...
The winds creating a multitude of movement
The sunlight beaming its rays, on the earth beneath it
Roses of purple white & plum
Rests beautifully on the beds

in a desert does it bloom
As the rhytmn of the strumming guitar fills her soul
she sees a man walk out of the shadows
With hands outstretched, walking towards
she stands - unmoving
Frozen in time
His outstreched arms
Embraces her
Melting the ice that have enveloped her
Kept her heart frozen
His warm embrace
Warming this cold cold person
His breath close to her ears
breathing gently comforting

Looking into her eyes

tilting her chin -

assuring her ....
As the ice melts
Her arms embraces the man ..
Feeling an instantaneous connection
He & she lost in each others arms
The guitar strums in the background
He & she dancing in a locked embrace

Fire works in the sky...

in a burst of colors ...
The voices in the distance disappear
As two mystical souls,
Lost in each other
Lost in time

Dancing to the music of love
The love that travelled through time & space
Survived the freezing cold
& the scourching summer

He & she moving to a new horizon
of life, love & each other ...

me.iffa

032406

Image of a sunset in my mind ...

Nothing beats watching sunsets with someone special… I was taken on a little trip in my mind .. watching a sunset with someone who means alot. It is just so romantic. I have been searching and high and low for an image to project what was in my mind and lo and behold i received an email from a friend which has a picture of just that moment. I just tought id share it on 43 things.. sunset watching admidts the beautiful colors of the sky & sun..

See more progress on: Watch as many sunsets as i can

fumbling idiot pt 1

Its 11 pass 3am in Singapore... Bedtime for most Singaporeans but me... I cant sleep but thats ok its Friday & tomorrow is the weekend whooo pieeeeeeee... No plans as yet for tonight but maybe i would end going dancing like last week. Dancings fun makes me forget life for a while and allows me to escape to to a world of dance & music that feeds my soul... But before i can do that its off to work with my cute little brats at school. I think they are as excited as i am it being friday and all. heehe kids ... anyhow, Im sitting here bored well not really been journalling for the most part & writing poetry. Its amazing how inspiration comes when you feel you've made a complete idiot of yourself. How one giggly fun experience can make you feel so crappy and stupid or maybe the sensitivity bug did a biting job on me overtime .... hahaa .. anyways, i shouldnt take things too hard but more as constructive criticism or lifes lesson. Makes you a better person right?. I know im rambling - sometimes rambling helps you put things into perspective and a tried n tested method of a game of solitaire does the job too ...

being upfront honest often lands me in trouble ... some people like it yet others dont and i have in a hard way as well as an easy way that there is no way of pleasing everyone. I think i am so out to please everyone because i have done that my whole life... in other words living my life for others for the happiness and betterment of others and being from an Asian upbringing this would mean filial piety...its all about the family blah blah blah lol i know that probably sounds mean but sometimes you need to laugh it off - laugh at serious matters a little . when you've spent much of your life trying to make everyone else feel happy its kinda hard to actually do it for yourself .. i dont know maybe its just my conscience talking .. who knows. i suppose there are some things in life that you just cant make sense off but thats ok its really not the end of the world or is it?muahahahaha ...

oooooooo i just remembered today is evaluation results day .. seeing it didnt happen yesterday... tee hee oh oh .. stay cool stay confident :D .. blah bla blah .. Have you ever had one of those days when you are so tired so drained and you know you need to sleep but you just cant? GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR i am so having one of those moments yet my mind refuses to stop thinking i mean its a norm for my mind to function nonstop but tonight its over working itself lol .. its like so many things to do so little time to do it ...

yikes .. i am hearing a funny sound i think its coming from my motherboard...i wonder if an alien has landed in it ? or is my mind playing tricsks on me being tired and what not? communications just sucked for me this last week and i didnt i would have to apologize three times to the same person ... must be something terribly wrong with me hahaha .. i should probably just stay away until this mecury retograde phase passes cos i seem to be a fumbling around him lately and seriously i feel really stupid around him lately and i know i am far from that .. Maybe its just idiot week or bust ....either that or my smart brain cells are on a vacation somewhere leaving the stupid ones to take charge .. i hope they would return soon from their much needed vacation .............. hahaah ok im sooo rambling i better stop ...

i have a horrible headache two days now ...................grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...i think i am going to attempt to sleeep worst comes to worst ill be back here writing again which i dont mind really except i have to be up in oh about 4 hours or so ....

Blankets in the field ...

I was just thinking how romantic it would be to have a blanket laid down on the field of wildflowers and have a little picnic with someone you love. Then just laying around – talking & laughing…kissing… smiles.. Reading poetry, holding hands & ultimately dancing barefoot with that someone special .. ahh what bliss it is to be inlove & share beautiful moments together…

See more progress on: i want to dance barefoot in a field of wildflowers

the 2 moons ...

Having a best friend is awesome! we’re pratically like sisters. I would hang out at her place and she would at mine. Her mother considers me her other daughter how sweet is that tee hee.. FUnny how both our names start with Mun pronounced Moons and were known as the two moons. Half a moon when the other is not around. Ira & I have been friends since kindergarten. Were both 33 now .. that is a good 30 yrs! Wow .. we had our ups & downs but thats normal for any friendship. One thing it does it makes the relationship much stronger .We’ve cried, laughed, been each others pillar & watched each other grow….She is currently in Norway with her hubby and 6mth old son and i miss her lots. We do stay in touch via messenger & what not. Thank God for technology. So having a best friend is really a great thing ..Id put a picture of me and her here but i dont have one scanned but ill share this picture that me and her like a lot .. I have another bestfriend who means the world to me. The one who has been there to tell when im messed up, offers brutally honest opinions. To listen, advice and make me laugh.He knows how to make me smile and laugh when im crying or mad at something.Just being in his company is a great joy. Like any relationships there the usual ups and downs but nothing that we cant overcome. I cant thank him enough for being that wonderful person that he is .. Best friends all in all are just awesome! So go get yourself one tee hee..

See more progress on: get a 'best friend'

Clouds..

I remembered doing this as a kid. We had a huge garden and my cousins and i would just lay on the grass and look at the clouds and try to make out what shapes the clouds were. This was a lot of fun. Your imagination really takes flight as a child. I havent had the chance to experience this as yet as an adult and i hope too sometime soon and take a picture of that experience while im at it…...The skies are so pretty .. just looking up at them gives one a sense of awe ….

See more progress on: lay in the grass and stare at the clouds

Me happy ...

I think i am happy. Not as happy as i would like to be but i am happy. Then again it does not take much to make me happy. Little things in life is enough to create a happy mood for me. I know im just weird. Even when my heart feels like its been cracked open and have salt sprinkled on it i seem to be happy on the surface. I have to say among the many things that i have been blessed with is the power of resilence and tolerance. I have my down days none the less but i can smile and be happy inspite of it. Maybe its life lessons maybe its the things i observe and learn from others. I should be happy and I am for a job i love, friends who care, a family who loves me inspite of my idiosyncrities heehe and a certain someone whose made a big diffrence in my life and opened my eyes to many things. SO seriously i cant complain. I am happy! heehee.. goal achieved!

See more progress on: be happy

Twinkle Twinkle Little Stars...

I saw one i think about 7 years ago. That was the one and only time i did.Driving back from a family function with nagging family members in the car ha ha i saw this bright line falling against the sky only to realize it was a shooting star i was soo happy felt like a kid again .. so it was only natural that i made a wish teehee.. i think the wish came true for a brief moment lol but anyways.. it was an awesome feeling. I am still looking out for shootings stars and living in the city there is not much chance of that so far but i am not giving up yet .. so twinkle twinkle litte star shoot your stars down my way …

See more progress on: See a shooting star

yes? no? maybe?

I didnt think that convincing someone was such a tough thing to do. I think i have a long task at hand. I dont have much time left to do this and i am just about to give up… part of me says yes another says no. Talk about being resilient or stubborn as i am called a lot of times… Just wanted to add that here … feeling a tad bit helpless at this juncture … waiting for that sign .. hope? miracle? anything?

See more progress on: convince a combat hardened soldier that nothing is impossible

Life Altering ....

This book is very life changing as are his other works. HIs books tells of how the human spirit is tested and how they prevail and in overcoming the many challenges that life has to offer. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who hasnt read it. It does change your life, your perceptions and what not. My favorite quote from this book would be .. ‘When you really want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it’........ there is so much truth to that. when you feel you want something & you are at the end of your rope in attaining it it helps to know that there is a bigger being, things unknown that are at play in trying to help us ..

See more progress on: Read The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho again

Inlove with sunsets ...

I am inlove with sunsets what can i say .. They seem to be mystical, mesmerizing, like a whole new world. I am sure nothing beats watching sunsets with someone you love out in the desert, by the beach …. sooo romantic ..

See more progress on: Watch as many sunsets as i can