in grief comes hope

Its been ages since I last blogged – it seems like I was paralyzed mentally and numbed for the last two weeks. It has been a mentally & physically exhausting past two weeks for me and my family on the whole. We are still trying to get into the groove of things and getting back to normalcy. Slowly but surely we are getting there but not without noticing the things that have transpired the past two weeks.

Many has spoken openly about how they felt openly but me I haven’t really dealt with it fully. I spoke to “C” this morning and he agreed that some things are better left unsaid – maybe I will deal with this grief in my own way – I have mastered the art of keeping everything in though I have moments where I break down and cry trying to acknowledge loss of a sweet young soul and I can feel my eyes begging to well up as i write this ...

July 14^th was a sad day for us – my cousin Omar who was 13 succumbed to his complicated heart condition which he had since he was born and passed away in his mother’s arms.

I am trying to deal with it still and as much as I know it’s the best thing for him seeing that he is free of all pain it just hard to accept because we all see him as a child who was going into his teenage hood. His short life however wasn’t in vain he inspired hundreds of people around the world even those who never knew him personally – he was a special little man ..

I always said writing was a great way to let go of how you feel but for some reason it was so hard . I have wanted to write a memorial to him and i haven’t gotten down too it – its just hard . Hopefully I will be able to write about how I feel about all that sometime but his memorial is something I will make myself write seeing that I want the world to see what an amazing guy he was in spite of the battle he had with his heart problems, how he fought it till the end ..

I saw a painting of a beautiful little boy running in the fields free and happy and that reminded me of Omar – because that’s how he is now running free – something he has always wanted to do without complications or worry. Now thats what he is doing running free smiling & laughing in the fields of heaven..

But with loss comes hope .. a baby boy was brought into the world July 21^st – his nephew. A replica of my late cousin was what my aunt said …

So with tears we had happiness and I am finally able to get my mind into gear slowly but surely is what I say – I think I have to go back to one thing that gives me comfort which is writing my thoughts down and this is the beginning of it and then some ..

Sorrow makes us all children again - destroys all differences of intellect. The wisest know nothing. ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

Red Marbles

Sometimes I will go back to my past blog entries and see what I have written. Sometimes what I find surprises me while other inspires and I think that’s why I like to include some inspirational stories that I have received from friends. Its always nice to find something that made you smile or warm from a long time back and here is one such story. Its called ‘Red Marbles’ and sent to me by my friend Hannah. It’s one that will make you a little teary so get them tissues ready ..

Red Marbles ..

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes.
I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean,
hungrily apprising a basket of freshly picked green peas. I paid for my potatoes, but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas. I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.

"Hello Barry, how are you today?"

"H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good."

"They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?"

"Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time."

"Good. Anything I can help you with?"

"No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas."

"Would you like take some home?" asked Mr. Miller.

"No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with."

"Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?"

"All I got's my prize marble here."

"Is that right? Let me see it" said Miller.

"Here 'tis. She's a dandy."

"I can see that.

Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red.

Do you have a red one like this at home?" the store owner asked.

"Not zackley but almost."

"Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip this way let me look at that red marble", Mr. Miller told the boy.

"Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.."

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me.

With a smile said, "There are two other boys like him in our community,
all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever. When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green mar ble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store."

I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man.

A short time later I moved to Colorado, but I never forgot the story of
this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles. Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one.

Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho
community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died.

They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them.

Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of
the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could


Ahead of us in line were three young men. One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking.

They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket.

Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.

Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man
stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket.

Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.

Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller.

I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years
ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles.

With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.

"Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about.

They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim "traded" them.
Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or
size....they came to pay their debt.."

"We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world," she confided,
"but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho "

With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased
husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral : We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind
deeds.

Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~
A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself.
An unexpected phone call from an old friend.
Green stoplights on your way to work.
The fastest line at the grocery store.
A good sing-along song on the radio.
Your keys found right where you left them.

IT'S NOT WHAT YOU GATHER, BUT WHAT YOU SCATTER THAT TELLS WHAT KIND OF LIFE YOU HAVE LIVED

a day of blessings inspite of it all

Where do I begin this entry .. hmm maybe with looking for a nice font that fits my mood and maybe some color .. hmmmmmmm today it shall be yellow knowing perfectly well it would strain the eye so I think I will go with grey ummm maybe I will go with lime green – lets see bolding it umm I think I will stick with this royal blue unbolding it would make it this so im sticking to bold ..

Anyways im glad its Friday im glad the weeks over – it didn’t even occur to me it was Friday the 13^th …. and I hate it when I feel bad knowing perfectly well I didn’t do anything wrong grrrrrrrrrrr…. So I went back and cooked I think that’s one of my comforts cooking. I made mashed potato patties ate them with chili sauce and seeing there was no cucumber in the fridge I was deprived of that. I had a glass of green tea took my vitamins and I think that raised my spirits a little though I kept thinking of what happened. Its funny just when I think I put my foot for the first time without feeling bad the whole feeling guilty thing just seems to slowly creep in grrrrrrrrrrrr .. anyways

On a better note … I finally got in touch with my best friend whom I haven’t spoken too in a while. We had a little misunderstanding some months back and haven’t spoken. Seeing it was her birthday July 10^th I decided to write her and wish her and I was so happy to hear from her today. That made my day and got me all teary eyed. I guess there are something’s that cannot be taken away from you and one of them is a best friend of over 20yrs. So now it’s all water under the bridge and we are as good as new. I think time has a way of working things out .. Latest news from her is that she just gave birth to a baby girl who is two months old. I am so happy for her. She now has a boy and a girl. I think she is the luckiest person to be blessed with kids. She has always wanted a baby girl and that she has gotten. She is still in Norway – moved to a new city there and waiting to move into their new home.. so I am really happy she is doing great and that we are in contact again – I guess some prayers do get answered ..

I could probably stay upset at what happened or I could count the blessings that I have had today and I choose the former seeing its better for my health though it still amazes the power of forgiveness – how a woman can forgive a man who murdered her child. I was watching Law & Order and that was the story line. She said how she tried to hate them for killing her son but couldn’t and instead she will be praying for them when they go to prison. Its is probably just a television show but I watched something like that on Oprah so yeah it does happen in real life. And I salute the people who are able to forgive that way – I don’t know if I ever could and I hope I don’t have to go that way but if one thing it teaches it teaches us to forgive – maybe not now but eventually …

I always remind myself when I upset to look at the littlest of things and if I didn’t I think my day would have been one mad rage till the end. So I sit here tonight calmed and collected in spite of the initial start to this blog – and that little email I sent to sweetness asking him if I could vent whine bitch and moan heehe I should probably take it back huh ….

I made friends with an Iraqi girl. she is 22 and university student there. I do wonder how they face life – what you see on television and what you read is not always what you get. I asked her how she was doing – she said good because she is alive. And that has always been the respond how are you? The answer is alive. It makes you think don’t it – we live in peace yet we talk the day for granted and they live from day to day wondering if they would ever make it to the next day ……. People’s lives offers insight into our own – makes me re think our relationships and our expectations. Just a thought ……..

So I got my writing groove back I think cause I have a lot of things I want to write about hah – I like it when that happens and in a few minutes it will be the new moon too – July 14^th is the new moon cycle, new beginnings too. I always look forward to that and not so much to the waning moon seeing that it usual is a little somber and i know i would have to wait a while for the big bright ball inthe sky to appear I read somewhere that the when the moon wanes, it takes away the negativity that has happened during that cycle – cool huh .. Its actually still waning and i think the new moon will only come out tomorrow evening ;)) ..

The panda cams not much to watch for right now seeing its slow again and the pandas are roaming around Lord knows where – its either they are not there or they are napping what a life huh …

And so I end tonight’s entry with this quote from my friend Barb and its all about the old devil called love ..

To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket—safe, dark motionless, airless—it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable…The only safe place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers of love…is Hell….CS Lewis ..

Anyone care to share their perspective on this quote? Would be interesting to see what others think this quote is trying to convey..

Nites world …

i need to vent!!!!!!!!then i deleted it

so i deleted this - .. i dont see the point in being reminded of what have been done to you or said about you and how you have been made to feel knowing that down the road they will do it again and when even you put your foot down - you cant help but feel guilty later. it seems at the initial state of it you think wow did i just do that only to have the guilt and feeling that you are hopeless slowly creep back to claim its territory. Let them say what they want and let them send it out to other family members - you know yourself and thats all that matters but i know some people know me better ... that i am still a little bumbed out but i am sure i will find something to change all this ... - so with that said i am off to happier things ... my little entry printed sealed and locked in a box of things i would like to forget .. because people who make you feel small are actually insecured themselves in this case well never mind ..........

Offerings of the day...

I found the following story inspirational, eye opening and it’s something I think we are all trying to do so we can find some sort of comfort in life and its adversatives. We often go about our day without noticing the gifts all around us and when things go bad we are even oblivious to it yet we try and find things to help us carry on.

In recent days and from what I have seen I wonder how my aunt, uncle and children go about their day finding that spark, that little ray of hope that helps them to go about their day. Personally for them I think its their faith and their acceptance that things from God and whatever happens has a reason. I don’t know that’s what I see from where I sit but I don’t really know what goes through their minds because they can still smile in spite of it all and find so much to be thankful for. Something to pick up isn’t it..

And it’s not just them – its all of us in the family seeing how sick my cousin is we questions, we seek and we pray. We wonder and we try and find the little things that can help us to forget for the moment and personally for me I block certain things out. It’s a like a part of me acknowledges that and then there is another part that just blocks it out for the moment and in that a little silent prayer is said ..

I think this story can help us see the gifts in spite of the adversatives life throws at us ..

Something that is worth the read …..

Offerings Of The Day
Finding Gifts In All

When we have good days, we often find ourselves going over the details later, enjoying them a second and third time as we feel the joy of our good fortune. When we have bad days, we may find ourselves poring over the details of our misfortunes. However, we can reframe those bad days by making it a daily practice to spend some time before going to bed each night to review the gifts we received that day. Regardless of our evaluation of the day—good, bad, mediocre—we can call forth the many blessings that were present. This practice transforms our consciousness as it reveals the fullness at the heart of our lives.

Some days it’s easy to recount the gifts we’ve received; on other days, we have to look harder for the offerings of the day, but once we do, we will find there are always quite a few. We can keep it simple and be grateful for the fact that we have a roof over our head, nature, food, and our health. Once we have fully experienced these gifts, we can move outward to the gifts that may require a little more thought such as the gifts of forgiveness, tolerance and acceptance that we may have learned that day. We can also always be grateful for the people in our lives who support us, no matter how bad our day may have been.

Just reviewing the many positive offerings in our lives provides a context for our difficulties that puts them in proper perspective, but we can also make an effort to see the gifts even in adverse circumstances. This can be challenging and may require some practice before it feels authentic, but we have all had the experience of a disappointment or loss leading to a surprising gain. Just remembering this and trusting the give and take of life can help us to remember that sometimes the best gifts of all are the ones we don’t recognize right away. In addition, the lessons we learn in the face of adversity are offerings in their own right, allowing us to count patience, wisdom, and fortitude alongside the other gifts of the day.

Source: dailyom.com dated July 11^th 07

And the stars they glisten, glisten

The sky was beautiful out tonight. After watching Ugly Betty I decided to check it out and it looks like it was going to rain. The colors of the sky were a mixture of greys and blacks at its most subtle and there seem to be an invisible light shrouding all that which caused it to illuminate. The stars were out in full swing even though it was tiny bits of diamonds in the sky it was still pretty – gives the sky character. It was amazing. Then suddenly I felt light rain on my skin ahh what a way to end the Sunday stars and rain and a beautiful night.

Tonight I am going to sleep like a baby thanks to the rain and a very long tiring day but before I do I wanted to share this story from dailyinspirations.com which has one of my favorite poems in it.

We read some of Keats’s poems in school and my favorite was one about stars – I actually forgot all about it until I read this … so here is a ltitle something something all about the litte wonders in the sky that is beautiful endearing and hopeful ……..

And the Stars They Glisten, Glisten

Tis the witching hour of night,
Orbed is the moon and bright,
And the stars they glisten, glisten,
Seeming with bright eyes to listen
For what listen they?"
~ John Keats


Stars are balls of hydrogen gas that are so massive the centers burst into nuclear reactions. To dreamers, stars glimmer with hope and beauty.

Writer Antoine de Saint-Exupéry' s famous Little Prince looked up at the sky and dreamed, "As I wonder...whether the stars are set alight in heaven so that one day each one of us may find his own again."

On a clear, moonless night, away from the distraction of city lights, the naked eye can behold thousands of stars, twinkling jewels in the sky.

"Above the cloud with its shadow is the star with its light," said Victor Hugo, the creator of Les Misérables.

The word constellation, the grouping of stars, is from the Latin cum "together" and stella "stars." Although modern astronomers divide the heavens into 88 constellations, stars can be seen as
different objects by different stargazers.

For example, the curved pattern of stars seen by Westerners as Scorpius (the Scorpion) is seen by Polynesians as the giant fish hook the god Maui used to form the Hawaiin Islands.

Whether legend, dream, or scientific fact...

Seek the bright heavens to light the darkness.

~~Look up and marvel.

Nites world ..

credits:-http://www.norahilb.com.ar/Imagenes/Twinkle_twinkle_little_star.jpg

http://www.dailycelebrations.com

all about weddings again ...

Just as a sunbeam can't separate itself from the sun
and a wave can't separate itself from the ocean,
"we can’t separate ourselves from one another.
We are all part of a vast sea of love one indivisible divine mind."
-Marianne Williamson

Isn’t that nice .. Its all about love ,lord knows I have a lot of that heehee and i think it fits with my little entry today..

Anyways it’s a nice Sunday night and im really tired. A long day very long no rest in sight it seems.

My morning started with helping mom with the cakes, putting some finishing touches to the cake for the brides table oh did I mention I have to attend a wedding AGAIN today .,Anyways this morning we cute the mocha cake into little squares and frosted it with a little flower with a cherry on top. I love this dessert – its 3 layers of mocha heaven.. The bottom layer is cake, second is egg whites and mocha and the top layer jelly. It’s yummy especially when it’s fresh out of the fridge.

agar agar mocha aka mocha cake


Next was the frosted fruit cake for the bride & groom’s table. It’s a simple cake and I think it’s really sweet with the little rose buds. We had a mother daughter discussion with regards to the cake which was fun. It does make me feel good when my mom actually has the confidence to ask me ideas on what to decorate a cake with. While she was doing that she said to me you know I think you should go for a cake decorating class so you can do this with me – that really made me happy – we had a talk which is always nice. Anyways enough sappy stuff ..

rose bud fruit cake

Finally my cousin came over with the extra flowers for the wedding cake. The main one and while mom put lilies on the cake I put little rose buds on the small cake and then my cousin and I was off to the reception hall to send the cakes and there were already a lot of people there which got me uncomfortable. I enjoy assembling the cakes when there are not many people around but that was not it today hah so I kept my cool put up the cake and then left. I realized I get very uncomfortable when all eyes on me and that instance I was .. I came all set to fix the cake and when there people I buckled and this coming from a pre school teacher who stands in front of a class of bright eye kids and deal with parents on a daily basis heehee anyways ……… I rushed home after that to get ready for the wedding yeah I was attending the same wedding in the afternoon.

the wedding cake

The wedding was beautiful as all weddings are. You get the occasional goose bumps and then there are those teary eyed moments and of course the married ones would awwww how nice it would be to walk down the isle again and the unmarried ones wouldn’t it be nice to walk down that isle with someone that you want to spend the rest of your life with. I think weddings those that to people anyways traditionally in Asian weddings functions there is no first dancers for the bride & groom but this one broke away from the norm and had a first dance to wonderful tonight and I salute them for that. its so cool but one must understand that by the time that happened most of the guest have left and the ones who still there were immediate family members but either way it was sweet and me being the incurable romantic that I am was grinning all the while thinking yes yes yes first dance woo hoo …

There was the usual photo taking sessions lots of great music in the background a blend of Arabic, Hindi, English & Malay songs and what is a wedding without dancing right heehe.. the wedding favor was a pretty glass mug with streaks of color. We got extra cause we ‘family’. We are not entirely related by blood but our families have known each for generations and they are just like family now. The aunt of the mother of the bride was my mothers best friend. I think that was the great thing about relationships in the past. The closeness they share that make them as good as family.

By six my aunt was itching to go home and so was my mom so we didn’t wait for everything to be over. We got to bring back extra wedding favors and leftovers from the weddings heehee at least I know I don’t have to cook for a couple of days and I have something to bring to work tomorrow..

When I got home, I crashed caused I was dead tired , I took a little nap and here I am .. now its time to watch Ugly Betty blog ya after the show world ..

a day of many things pt 2

I managed to dig up some pictures of cakes I mom made back in the day and pictures of her in the process of putting it all together. I was amazed myself at how gorgeous the cakes was. It was intricate and detailed and took a lot of work. It seems that at the time and that was before I was born she made cakes for the Johore royal family. I remembered a friend of hers Kak Asmah was the name I think who used to work with the royal work and she scouted for cake makers and cooks and designers. I think she is a royalty party planner and she would order cakes from my mom.

Here is the first of two slideshows. This one has pictures of the cakes my mom made for the Johor royal family along time ago. It has pictures of her and my aunts decorating the cake. Im still amazed at her how gifted she is in making cakes..

Pretty amazing cakes aren’t they and there are stories to go with all that too. In spite of being very protected my grandfather gave his children the freedom to learn new things like making cakes. He actually sends them for classes and he made sure his girls went to school. I think that and many other things made him stand out from the rest. He even allowed the girls to learn to drive. So I think it was a win win situation for all.

My grandfather had a hand in making those cakes. he drew out and cut the shapes of the crowns for the cake and was the one who made sure that it was in place and insisted that he was even when he wasnt lol sounds so darn familiar again. i think he acted as a consultant to her . My grandad clearly was a creative man and i think he has handed that creative genes to the women of the family cause most of my cousins are in the creative field like painter/artiste, creative director, graphic designers so on and so forth - cool huh .

My aunt told me it irritated my mom when my grandad was asking her to do things his way but my mom listened to him none the less. i think when mom makes cakes with me i think she has feelings of deja vu . echoing my grandfather ... and my mom was my grandads favorite too :D first born what can i say ..

I think one of the things I miss most is hearing stories of their time growing up raising their children and all the fun things they used to do when things were simpler when life was simpler. When my grandmother was better she used to sit with us and tell us stories of her growing up and she could tell us the same stories over and over again we would never get bored. There was something about the olden days that was fascinating. The house that they had on the water in Setulang which is in Johore Malaysia. These days that place has a duty free shopping complex. They had a house by the beach where all and I mean ALL of the family would go during the holidays. But with modernization and land reclamation you lose a whole lot of those simple things …..

After going through the picture cupboard, I found those pictures and pictures of my family & I growing up. I realized I have a whole lot of organizing to do when it comes to family pictures because there are pictures everywhere from different area sheesh another chore to my to do list. Hmmm maybe I could do a scrapbook out of it but before I can I think the most important things is to sort it all out.

The second slide show below are pictures of my grandparents from back in the day. These are just a few of the pictures I have so enjoy ..

I know my uncle has some more back at my grandma’s house so I must remind myself to get those too at least scan them and maybe share it at a later time. My mom told me that while they were growing up they took lots of pictures some were candid and some were done studio pictures. My grandfather use to hire a photographer to take pictures of the family on regular days and special occasions. When the photographer was at the house, he would call all the relatives and they would come over and have their pictures taken. Back in the day women weren’t allowed out that easily so not to let them miss out on life, my grandfather brought life to the house. And when the ladies of the family do go out – they do so with a chaperone or in groups. Those were the days weren’t they … ahh how the time shave changed ..

And the continuation begins here from where I left off – mom’s way of raising me is a mirror of how she was brought up by grandfather. She takes a lot after my grandfather in terms of creativity, personality and what not. And I think in an unconscious way she is treating me like how she was – not a bad thing in this instance – she likes to have things her way and I reckon some people can agree that I am that way sometimes heehee ..

My aunt was telling me about the kind of man my grandmother was. Even though he was well to do and well known he was a humble and down to earth man. He dressed simply and really enjoyed the simple things in life. He loved exploring other cultures and learning new things and he would go all out to learn something new. He is welcoming of people of different races & faith in his home.

She was telling me one day while she was at my grandparent’s house helping my mom make some cakes when my granddad had a call from friend. After that call he immediately cooked fish head curry for his visiting friend. Just like that. when he was serving his guest he asked her to sit and have some to she being the shy person she was she said it was ok but he insisted and he called my grandma too to have the curry with him and till this day she cant forget just how delicious the curry was – yeah my granddad was one heck of a cook and according to my mom he didn’t look at recipes what he made was from his mind. She asked my mom recently if she knew what my granddad put in his curry but my mom didn’t and actually no one does – I was thinking what a waste – it would have been great to know and have a taste of his secret ingredients for his curry .

My granddad has this knack of observing what people do and I think much of what he acquired is through that. Would you believe if I told you he designed my mothers nikah( solemnization ceremony) dress. He saw the dress when he watched an Indian movie and as crazy as this may sound he keeps going back to the show just so he can remember how the dress looks like and when he got it he drew it and got it sent to the tailor. He was definitely one of a kind in his day cause no other men in the family was like him. Here is a picture of the dress ..

According to my aunt, my grandfather was one who couldn’t care for status. He treated everyone as his equal and he had the tendency to share whatever he had especially with guests when they unexpectedly drop in. he would welcome them with open arms and no matter how long they stayed he made sure they were treated well and had something to eat – whatever was available at that time. On Fridays he would cook huge pots of food and give them to the poor. They would queue at the house to get lunch. That was family affair. Everyone pitched in to help.

My grandparents were complete opposites. He was the friendly talkative one while she was the shy quiet one. Amazingly there have been people who thinks that my granddad was an arrogant man but a whole lot more people think otherwise. I guess maybe he looks stern and that’s why people think that way but beneath that tough exterior is a kind gentle sweet down to earth man.

My grandfather was so devoted to my grandma. He took care of her as if she was a princess. He took her all over the world, showered her with a lot of love and affection. Gave her the best in everything and he stood up for her when his siblings were mean to her and the cutest is that he taught her how to drive a car –I just find so cute that my grandma used to drive a car. I guess when I was growing up I never saw that but according to mom she did. She used to drive the kids from their house in Johore to another in Singapore and at that time no passport was required.. suddenly I have this image of my grandmother with sunshades, scarf to hold her hair in place and a bunch of little kids in the car hahah … what a sight go grandma ;)) ..

My aunt said that he took great interest in family. She remembered when she gave birth to her first daughter how he made it a point to visit her on the day itself with grandma. It was night time but he went anyways – I mean it’s probably no big deal to some but the fact that he took the time to see her says a lot about him. He didn’t bring a present but he gave her chocolates which he had in his pocket. Something like a little sweet as token before the real present comes.

She was sharing all the little moments that she remembered about my grandfather and for me it was one of those days when I learn more about him and it makes me smile and then at the same time it makes me sad because it makes me wish he was here cause I think the whole family would be having a grand ole time not like were not but I think it would have been a lot different with him around.

If we felt this way, one can only imagine how grandmother must feel. Her rock the love of her life the one man who loved and cherished her and being brought up the way they were, sharing of emotions is not done very often and my grandmother never spoke of how she felt when he died – but I think her actions and her current state of mind is an indication of how much she loves him and misses him………………………………………….

That was some of the moments I never knew of grandfather and I am glad my aunt told me all about it. Another story added to my family stories vault … J

Nite nite world ..

hooked on blogthings

Since I was at the blog things I decided to try out a few more tests – seeing sits an early Saturday morning and I am just trying to relax after a nice long shower what can I say it was a sticky day for me – the weather and all the baking makes md smell of kuih lapis (it’s a layered sweet & spicy cake) and very sticky tasty even .. hee hee but anyways ..

I took a test to see if I was an excellent cook ;)) .. well obviously the test results came back the way it did but like always the proof is in the pudding and to really know if I am excellent cook – have to try it for yourself and those special people (you know who you are) you most than welcome to a home cooked meal anytime ;)) … *dreams* …

You Are an Excellent Cook

You're a top cook, but you weren't born that way. It's taken a lot of practice, a lot of experimenting, and a lot of learning. It's likely that you have what it takes to be a top chef, should you have the desire...

Are You A Good Cook?

And since were on the subject of food, here is another fun test I thought I would take (obviously these tests are selected at random). Personally for me I am a chocolate/caramel kinda girl but knowing these tests they don’t always agree with you … and my kind of food is …… Mexican :O .. but hey I love Mexican food and I am a little spicy & fiery sometimes ..:D

You Are Mexican Food

Spicy yet dependable. You pull punches, but people still love you.

What Kind of Food Are You?

And lets do another food test ….. and its all about cake my favorite thing well one of many and the cake that I am is Why its my favorite favorite thing its chocolate cake…….. :D who would have guessed tee hee.. lol people addicted to me I am not so sure about that though id love someone to be *giggles* anyways ……. :D

You Are a Chocolate Cake

Fun, comforting, and friendly. You are a true classic, and while you're not super cutting edge, you're high quality. People love your company - and have even been known to get addicted to you.

What Kind of Cake Are You?

My room is currently two tones from the purple family – a lilac tone that covers most of the room and a dark violet at a little corner between the bathroom and the closet – its plain simple and calming. I wanted to paint it yellow to get more inspiration then it might not help me sleep , green would also be nice but that’s the color of my living room well part of the wall at least .. so I am not really sure what color I should go and this test recommended red – hmmmmmm.. do I even dare? ……. Red in a bedroom which I retire too – to get away from ..wonder if that’s advisebale? Maybe two tones of red a darker red for my little inspiration space a softer rose red for my sleeping area? Hmmmmm maybe I shall look into this ….. :D

You Should Paint Your Room Red

Dramatic and bold, a red room brings energy. Your red room will inspire you to try a new activity... And bring out even more passion for the things you love.

What Color Should You Paint Your Room?

Maybe my I should go for apple red paint for my room ;)) then again there are so many choices of red – decisions decisions decisions ..

You Are Apple Red

You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun. And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial. Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well. However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.

What Color Red Are You?

This is probably true about me and I wonder if it’s a curse of a blessing well maybe I should look at both ways – it has its blessings and setbacks. So no hiding things from me *grin* cause I can sense it what youre feeling or hiding :D im bad but ya got to love me lmao!! Where did all humility go eh? Its actually right here … *giggles*

You Are Psyche!

Eternally in search of purpose and insight. You're curious and creative with a total sense of wonder. Totally empathetic, you pick up on other's moods easily. Just be sure to pamper yourself as well!

What Goddess Are You?

I had to take this test to see if I am like my mom. I have to admit when I was younger I told myself I would do things different than she did and guess what I am doing quiet the opposite. I am like her in certain ways – sometimes you don’t realize it until someone points it our or you catch yourself doing it after a while but seriously I don’t mind being somewhat like my mom she is after all a great lady and as I get older I see that – her life struggles, her strengths and you cant help but love her even more and have even greater respect.

You Are Somewhat Like Your Mom

Believe it or not, you and your mom are pretty darn similar. It may not seem like it at times, but you and your mom have a lot of common ground. Over time, you'll probably get closer ... especially if you emphasize the things you like about each other.

Are You Like Your Mom?

Ok that’s it im getting a little too hooked on this just like last time so before I really get carried away I better run and hide from this and resist resist resisit …….

Nites err mornings world … err nite nite..

what i think of my friends.. really

What You Really Think Of Your Friends

Hannah is your soulmate. You truly love Salhah You consider Deena your true friend. You know that Ann is always thinking of you. You'll remember Ira for the rest of your life. You secretly think Ana is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times. You secretly think that 'C' is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker. You secretly think that Lutfi is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Lutfi changes lovers faster than underwear. You secretly think 'C' is shy and nonconfrontational. And that 'C' has a hidden internet romance.

What Do You Think of Your Friends?

So I am Ann’s soul mate when she took the ‘What do you think of your friends” test from blog things. I don’t mind she’s sweet and one of the nicest persons I know. So following in her foot steps I decided to take the test myself and see what I think of my friends and boy was I surprised with the results – it could be true well some of it and like always it’s a test – so don’t take it seriously … but just in case anyone did hah well I have justified myself or attempted too after each result

Hannah is your soulmate.

You truly love Salhah.
My defence : - No justification needed she is my mom and I love her longtime ;)) ..

You consider Deena your true friend.
My defence:- Weve been around each other since the day we were born.cousins. only one my age.We have share quiet a bit.

You know that Ann is always thinking of you.
My defence:- Have you really Ann ? ;)) awwwwwww im all warm & fuzzy now *grin*.. hugs..

You'll remember Ira for the rest of your life.
My defence:- she’s my best friend and I have her known for over 20 yrs now)

You secretly think Ana is creative, charming, and a bit too dramatic at times.
My defence:- umm she is all that and aren’t we all a little dramatic at times ? :P tee hee

You secretly think that 'C" is colorful, impulsive, and a total risk taker.
My defence:- ummm he is a risk taker and Lord knows he has taken them and he is very special and I guess this test has to define colorful & impulsive further before I can state my case :P

You secretly think that Lutfi is loyal and trustworthy to you. And that Lutfi changes lovers faster than underwear.
My defence:- Lutfi is my cousin one I am closest too so yeah its valid and ummmmmmm yeah he sorta changes lovers pretty fast too wait or do they change him :P lol sorry fee :P the truth is known but ya know I love ya cuzzie wuzzie :P PS he is single available and looking and a real nice guy trust me ;D btw you would have noticed his noteable singing skills on my blog entry entitled "The Brothers B"

You secretly think "C" is shy and no confrontational. And that "C" has a hidden internet romance.
My defence:- This is true of him – he is non confrontational. Lord have mercy I hope it aint true for the last one yeah little ms selfish but can you blame a girl seeing how special this guy is tee hee and i can only imagine what romance with him would be like ..*dreams* did i just say that out loud again

So I made my defence :P no more rebuttals! But these guys know i love them ;)

Nites nites .. :P

a day of many things pt1

Its Friday finally – never thought I would be so looking forward to the weekends lol now after long weeks at school I actually do and even I don’t sleep in I know I will have some ME time – Lord knows I am so in need of that. I think this past week my focus have been on work and work and work which left me little time for me so I am going to make it a point to make this weekend mine by relaxing and unwinding and we will see what else. And a what today was - a day of this and that.. pandas, emails , memories and all that makes for a very interesting day when so many things happen all at once – good things that is hee hee.. .

For starters its panda update .. Little mei lan who isn’t very little anymore is 10mths old today and this week she weighs 20.5kg. She does look a lot bigger than usual and this cute picture of her is an indication of that. Cute isn’t it …

just look at her how much shes grown and how beautiful she is ..

See how much she has grown? I was looking at a picture of her on my desktop from a few weeks ago and she seem so much smaller then more babyish now she isn’t so much if you see from the but when you look a little closer she still poses that babyish charm .. :D

When I finally got to my computer and checked my email I was really happy to see an email from “C” that just topped the day off. He is doing well and he is safe and seems much happier which a good thing. I am happy when he is happy when he gets to do things that makes him smile and having things work for him .. No reason needed .I guess being happy for someone who means something to you is a natural thing I would think...

Today after work I had to help mom bake some cakes. And my aunt was here too not moms sister but another aunt who always helped mom with the cakes when I was little anyways .. we were making kuih lapis (it’s a cake which has spices in them and its baked layer by later till you get a whole cake. The whole process takes about 2 hours depending on how fast and how many ovens you have).

The whole process of making the cake mix is a long one though the baking is relatively fast & easy inspite of having to do it a layer at a time.

this is the kuih lapis - can you see the layers? this one was made for my cousins engagement. this is a decorative one - the normal ones does not have the almonds and cherry on top.

Anyways .. I was breaking the eggs and separating the whites from the yolks. While I was doing this, one of the eggs had twin yolks I was thinking wow maybe I will have twins someday ;)) I was excited and really took care of the yolks after a couple more eggs , there were another set of twin yolks just how cool was that I told my aunt that maybe this is a sign that I will have two sets of twins all at one go lol .. that would truly be a blessing for me anyways .. I took great care in picking the yolks to transfer them to the mixing bowl and it stayed in tact the whole time – it just brought a smile to my face.

There s a believe here in our culture when you get things in pairs like that it means that when you have children you will get twins – it’s a believe that has been down from generations how far its true I don’t really know but you can always hope that its true. Seeing how I am getting 2 sets of twins before im forty is perfect – no more labour pains after ..*stares into space* … maybe someday ….

One thing I love about making this cake is the aroma of the cake. It just fills up the whole house – and when waking up you can smell it – it’s a beautiful aroma hmmm I wonder if they would consider making it into perfume oil – it would be great and one things’ for sure it won’t be so greasy.

My mom has been making this cake for the past 50 years or so and when we help her make it she expects us to do it just like how she did a few years ago right down to the smallest detail. From my own experience which ever procedure I followed it came out just the way mom makes it but it seems she wouldn’t have it that way so we had to follow her instructions to the tee. She would nag if we messed up so in the end we followed her very instructions.

While we were baking, my mom was resting in the room and I was in the kitchen with my aunt. She said to me do you know why your mom is so particular about the way its done? I said no I don’t. She said to me my grandfather was a very particular man especially when it came down to the details of cooking and baking. She said she recalled when she was at helping my mom bake cakes a long time ago and how my grandfather had a lot to comment about making sure it was perfect and done the right way. He would tell her she was doing it wrong and she should be doing it this way and that way and she would get agitated saying its fine but he insisted lol .. WOW was that familiar. That’s exactly what she does right now and it doesn’t just involve cooking. She is doing what granddad did you her – I guess you do take after your family parents which is a good sometimes especially when it works to your advantage. When my aunt told me that suddenly a ligh bulb lit over my head – it all makes sense and in some strange way it makes you adapt to her instructions better and telling yourself when you have children someday you are not going do what parents did – then again you always end up doing it anyways hahaha..

The explanation from my aunt came with so many stories about mom grandma and grandpa and I figured I would write a separate blog for with some pictures of course.

Seeing I am trying to keep this short I will continue with a pt 2 in another tomorrow so to all nite nite and this will be continued tomorrow …

a tale of night & day

The night last night ….

The moon was closer to earth than usual and it was beautiful. It looked huge considering the fact that it was waning. I think I have made it a habit these past few days to go out at night – maybe I will stick to it. Something about the night air that just makes you want to stand outside and admire the wonders of nature and there seem to be something beautiful everyday to look at – wonders that leave me in awe wonderment and always contented in spite of it all.

I attempted to draw it but it didn’t come out as well as I wanted too – sometimes I think my kindergarteners draw better ;)) … anyways, the mood in its waning state was in colors of gold and orange. Shimmers of gold orange rays light up the dark clouds enveloping parts of the moon . Like I said it was like it was really close to earth its as if , if you walked a little over the earth you can reach it. ;)) in my mind that works .. here is a picture of the scanned moon I drew – laugh I know I am bad at this but the idea is there laughs @ self ..



So I was thinking in spite of it waning it stood there in the sky big bright and majestic, looking as it was full it was a sight to behold and as I type this I can see it still and I am pretty sure years down the road when I read this again that image of the moon will come to mind with that little drawing as a guide ;)) ..

A little later after when I couldn’t sleep – I went out again and I saw the moon further now at its usual silvery state high up almost disappearing and I got a treat in store. I could the smell the ocean – my favorite scent and I like the little surprises of the sea scent when I open my doors or windows – its nice living only a few minutes from the beach – the smell of the ocean and the breeze makes an ‘appearance’ unexpectedly and a pleasant one at that ..

That was a blog entry for this morning - I was just too lazy to write it in late last night lol so I figured I would do it this morning before work but knowing me I didn’t have time after my run so here I am writing about late last night ;)) late but none the less it has served its purpose in me immortalizing the images in words..

And back to the present time ..

School was well school . Just another day. I am still working on my evaluation lesson plans and I shall be evaluated next week –one of those evaluatuions they do every term and if youre lucky its done twice a year . Mine will be on Wednesday so wish me luck and Tomorrows a Friday yay! And we have a meeting yuck! Not a big fan of meetings but like always I act civil :P put on a smile and a whole lot of patience – that always does the trick tee hee anyways ..

This morning my mom boiled some tapioca. She got them from my uncles fruit plantation along with ‘sukong’ – it’s a kind of tapioca. Its delicious when you deep fry it in batter. She also brought some ‘pisang tanduk’ – loosely translated its know as horn bananas seeing that its shaped like a horn. This banana is delicious when made into banana fritters and that’s just what my mom planned.

This is a picture unripe pisang tanduk when its ripe it turns a nice bright yellow.



Back to the tapioca… The tapioca is steamed till its cooked and eaten with freshly grated coconut mixed with sugar and salt. It’s a humble dish but very delicious and it was the staple of my family during the Japanese Occupation of Singapore in 1942. She was telling me how this was what they ate the whole time when the Japanese occupied this country. They lived in fear obviously. I was just looking at her and couldn’t begin to comprehend what she went through during the occupation and as I sat there – I looked at her and said this was a woman who went through an occupation and I am thinking that she knows how it feels when watches the news and see other countries being occupied. It makes you think. The hardships they went through during that time – how they lived in fear of their lives – of being killed. She told me stories of how during that time my grandfather built a shelter and when the sirens sounded or they got news that the Japanese was coming they would all hide in the shelter. If my memory serves me correctly the shelter was underground. My mom was about 10 or 11 when it happened.

Sometimes its easy for her talk about it sometimes its not but I don’t think anyone would ever want to relive their worst moments especially not when they feared and persecution. I guess it does give new light to the countries at war and what these people are going through and compared to the past occupation and warfare these days are more deadly anyways ..

So I am more appreciative of the tapioca because it sustained them during that time – here is a picture of the boiled tapioca and the shredded coconut.



And that was my day. The little things you learn and the inspirations you get. It makes you feed your soul everyday and strengthens you along the way. Thankful for the blessings of a country not at war and for the littlest of things because what may seem little to us was things that kept others alive ..

Nites world …..

night sky & pandas ..

I often think that the night is more alive and more richly colored than the day. ~Vincent Van Gogh

I took a little walk outside – it was a just a nice night out .. cool air .. a mysterious feel to it .. the moon waning .. still shining brightly with little grey clouds at its side – like little waves on a beach …very pretty .. it was an eerriely beautiful night – not errie haunting just a good eerie. The sky seem to have lit up and just across from the waning moon stands a big bright star – could be a planet but it stood there across from the moon watching it – letting the moon brighten it even further .. gorgeous!

It was a cool windy night and if I could take my laptop downstairs and write I would. The night last seem to offer so much inspiration, a sense of peace & relaxation .. I wish I could have taken that moment inside my house with me .. There is something about the night sky that sets the mood for inspiration, for wonderment. Maybe in its its colors maybe its in the stars and the moon when its out whatever it is truly a sight to behold … and share with people dearest to you ..

While looking out at the big sky, I felt small to the wonders of the universe. How it has control over everything – the rustling of the leaves , the little leave on the ground that is being blown gently away by the wind .. A night like this opens you up to the beauty of the world and the little things that it motions which we take for granted ..

I took the walk to get a clear head, to find some sense of cheer for the night one that is enough to make me smile and I found it in the beauty of the sky and then I wondered about ‘c’ across the sky from me – no news. Should I worry? The mind plays out a million scenarios day in and day out but the heart says don’t lose hope and keep wishing for the best .. hope .. now that’s another story …

And now here I am after being taken in by the beauty of the night sky –

I sit and watch little panda mei lan in her habitat. It is Monday there and the panda cam seems to be working well (knock on wood) don’t want to jinx it .. she is growing none the less but at certain angles you still see as fluffy little baby and it just makes you want to put your hands through the screen and grab her and cuddle her.. she is just sheer warmth when you look at her. I love watching mother and daughter wrestle. Mei lan has new toy ball in her space and I don’t think she likes it much – every time she tries to use it as support it rolls away in the end she gives up and use the climbing structure instead.

Sometimes when I look at the pandas I think that they are playing Simon says .. mom seems to imitate daughter and vice versa it’s a cute little scene to see. Especially when they sleep, same position, one in front of the other. Back to head. And when mei lan wakes up before mom she has a knack of disrupting her moms nap ;)) .. biting on her ears nudging her mom obviously don’t budge she keeps on sleeping and in turn when mei lan sleeps mom bugs here – to them its cuteness for us if someone does that it would probably just piss us off,… Anyways sometime struck me while I watched the cam today – while mom was enjoying her nap on the same branch as mei lan, mei lan was goofing around, scratching herself, rolling around and then she sucked her left paw. Well in my culture when a baby sucks on their toes/feet it means that they want a sibling or one is in the making .. hmmmmmm maybe that’s what mei lan wants too. It would be really nice wouldn’t it ..

And so my day ends here… tomorrow its time to feed knowledge hungry pre schoolers with ways of the world. Today was a day of inspiration a day of feeding the soul and lifting the spirit – thanks to Oprah and a day of warm of and fuzzy with my very favorite panda mei lan and a day of wonderment and awe at the beauty of the night sky. Now I bid the day fare well as I retire into dreamland with thoughts & prayers that the angels watch over ‘c’ and that happiness and all that his heart desires comes his way ..

Photo credit: - http://www.fellspointgallery.org/images/EdwardsNightskyPainting.jpg

roti john & fuji apples

Food one of my favorite subjects. My initial planof making corn muffins was scrapped seeing that I had way too many things to do today so I ended up making the simplest of dishes and a snack. Simple fast and delicious. I think I will start off with the snack.

I had some Fuji apples laying around in the fridge and seeing that I just recently bought they would make great snacks so I decided to give it a twist and instead of just eating it that way I added some cinnamon and dark brown sugar. So the sweetness and a tinge of tanginess of the apple and the strong taste of the cinnamon and light sweetness from the brown sugar makes this a very delicious and healthy snack. Cinnamon from what I read is known to bring down blood sugar so technically as sweet as this dish sounds – the cinnamon balances out the sweetness which obviously makes it healthy. Its best served chilled because by then the sugar would have melted and the flavors infused and with the taste you get the crunch of the apple yummyy .. Here is a picture of the cinnamon apple…


I usually use green apples but you can use any apple in hand actually. Red apples, rose apples, Fuji apples whatever you have in hand. The ingredients are only 3 and the way to do is just as fast so here is the recipe ..

Cinnamon Apples
Ingredients:
2-3 apples
1-2 tbsp dark brown sugar
1 tsp cinnamon powder

Directions:
1- Core the apples. Leave skin on.
2- Cut apples into small or large chunks
3- Put in the dark brown sugar & cinnamon and mix thoroughly until everything is coated
4 - Chill for about 30 mins.

As with sweet dish, you can adjust the amount of sugar used to suit your taste… :D enjoy ..

The other dish I made is a simple light dish called roti john. Roti in malay means bread and John well that’s someone’s name obviously. So when its roughly translated it means John’s Bread. Why its called that I don’t know – maybe he made it or something but anyways like many local dishes I have no idea where they come up with these names. Names aside these dishes are popular here and honestly speaking I have yet to find a stall here in Singapore that makes great roti john. So till I do nothing beats home made roti john.

For my recipe I changed it a little and added some cornmeal(polenta) to give it more texture and crunch and I have to say it worked. The roti john is basically French loaf or baguette with a minced meat on it. Roti john is served with sliced cucumbers and a dipping. You can have your choice of tomato ketchup or chili sauce. I favor the former. So here is the picture of the roti John followed by the recipe. You can omit the cornmeal if you like … enjoy ..



Roti john
Ingredients:
200grams minced beef
1 ½ tbsp cumin powder
1 ½ tbsp black pepper powder
1 tbsp ginger garlic paste
1 tsp salt
1 large onion diced
1 egg
1-2 tbsp cornmeal (optional)
1 French load sliced about an inch thick
Olive oil for frying.

Directions:-
1- Mix the ground beef with all the spices till it’s fully absorbed let it stand for about
15mins.
2- Add in the diced onions and egg and mix well.
3- Add the cornmeal
4- The mixture cant be too thick nor too thin – if its too thick add in another
egg.
5- Like always the amount of salt and spices depends on your taste buds. You
can more or reduce it.
6- Next take about a table spoon of the mixture and spread on the bread slice
and fry for about 5 mins or until golden brown.Turn over fry the other side for about a
minute then remove from heat drain on paper towels and then serve.

A simple yummy dish that takes very little time to make and does not make a lot of mess either.

So whoever tries it happy trying ..

Sunsets on the Road

I was looking through pics on my cell and I found these pictures of sunsets in Johore, Malaysia just after the immigration check point. These are Johore roads and across the straits is Singapore – cool isn’t it how close we are – anyone can swim across I would think and risk getting caught *grin*. I took these pictures sometime back when I was on the way to my grandmas. I was in the car so if there are any blotches it has to be the window. Since I love sunsets so much I figured I would share it with the world .. enjoy the pictures

Cars and passengers waiting inline to get passports checked at the malaysia checkpoint. the sunset is peaking from the zinc wall - they are doing some construction. The yellowish/orange ball of light still makes itself seen.

Cleared immigration and well on our way. the piece of land across the water is of course Singapore.

Another distant sunset a motor cyclist rests capturing its beauty - tho he knows he isnt suppose to stop at the side of the road *grin* ..

dreams...

Sunsets and mushrooms and ‘C” was what transpired in my dreams today hahah where or why I don’t even know. Sometimes I wonder what it is that I think about that make me have such bizarre dreams but in this case it was bizarre since these are all my favorites. Anyways it’s a beautiful, hot & humid Monday morning and I just came back from a jog downstairs at the park.

Today I am starting on my diet again – with the weddings and what not it was kind of hard to stay on track but now that the weddings down to a minimal I think its time to get there again – so starting today I am going to make it a point to walk up a little early and either jog or walk in the park downstairs for about 30 mins every morning. Today was a breeze seeing that it a school holiday here cause of youth day so I could start my regime a little late but tomorrow onwards it has to be a little early so I have to program myself ..

I wouldn’t call it a diet but more about keeping fit and in shape and of course healthy . lets face it I am not getting any younger and when I am in my 50’s I would still like to have the energy of a 20 year old ;)) and if I don’t start now when else right .. and I think its also about the food we eat and what not. I hope my other first & second cousins don’t get married for at least 5 years *grin*..

So anyways .. still no news from ‘C”.. maybe there is some internet problems maybe he didn’t receive my emails I sent tons lol I don’t know so many maybes just no definite anyways whatever it is I just hope he is doing good and maybe if I am lucky I will hear from him soon and maybe if it sthe internet glitch it will work out soon cause I am just starting to worry is all .. cause he just upped and gone email wise that is. So I am keeping my fingers crossed my hopes high and faith in tact that everything is ok over there ..

My dreams of “C” last night was of the lingering kind again last night – you know he just standing there and watching. I know he is there – because I can feel it and when I turn to look over my shoulder there is that tiny glimpse of him – I am really not sure what it means of what it is but its nice sometimes and overwhelming sometimes…

I dreamt of mushrooms last night hahah .. I dreamt I was buying mushrooms and couldn’t decide whether I wanted white button mushrooms or preserved mushrooms and it was like déjà vu cause last month when my aunt was in the hospital and I was making chicken porridge for her she said she dint want preserved mushrooms she wanted fresh white button mushrooms instead heh maybe that’s where it came from .. and then there was portobello mushrooms lol wait that I remember cause when I was at the supermarket in the check out , the lady in front of me bought a pack of portobello mushrooms and I was thinking it would be yummy to make stuffed portobllo mushrooms and I wondered what she was going to make .. Don’t you do that sometimes? When I see other people’s grocery basket I wonder what they are making that with all the things they’ve bought ….

As I am typing this I can hear the sounds of drills saws and its kind of annoying – I am getting irritated with all that noise from upstairs ;)) .. its hard to focus .. it seems the renovations are still going on and I think it will be going for the next 2 weeks or so. I think we will be having new neighbors too cause yesterday I saw a family moving out of their home - I think they live on the 7th floor or something..

Last night in my dreams I saw the most amazing sunsets ever. I have seen tons of pictures of sunsets and some live sunsets but it can’t beat what I saw in my dreams. It was the biggest & brightest sunset over the water – which was clear blue and has dark blues here and there and the sky was scattered with little diamonds it was a dark grey color – it was just gorgeous and everyone in my dream was watching it.. I actually remembered taking a picture of it in my dreams and then I woke up …. What a dream to wake up from huh ..

And so I am off I think I am going bake me some corn muffins today so I have something to bring to work tomorrow, get things ready for school and maybe just relax and go for a walk later in the afternoon and maybe today will be a bearer of good news – keeping fingers crossed and between and much later I am giving the lappie a break tee hee Cant spent the whole day in front of the lappie now can I ;)) ..

And since we were on the subject of dreams here is a quote by Oscar Wilde that I like ..

A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world.”
-Oscar Wilde

Have a happy Monday the lovers, the dreamers and me ;)) and you ;))